Taking Alone Time Vs. Avoiding Your Wife

There's a difference between taking alone time for yourself, and avoiding your wife or not dealing with your marriage problems. It's important to recognize the difference.Men tend to hide out or avoid conflict (and their feelings), and I've talked with some men who rationalize their problems in their relationship or marriage with a need for "alone time"."Alone time is great, and I'm all for it, but if you're using that alone time to not deal with the pressing issues your marriage or relationship is presenting to you, you're probably avoiding them and complicating the already-testy environment between you and your wife or partner.How would you recognize the difference? It's hard to tell at times which one is which.

If you tend to shun conflict, or walk away when things heat up during conflict, you're probably avoiding or withdrawing. Ask yourself: how exactly do I deal with conflict in my relationship? And what would my spouse or partner have to say about that?Alone time is a healthy part of a relationship experience - so long as you're not sheltering yourself away from your problems or your spouse. Getting out to exercise, going to a movie by yourself, or just taking a drive alone are all fulfilling ways to get that time to decompress, or be with yourself. Just make sure you know which one is which.Balancing alone time and time with your spouse is something you'll need to be aware of - when each need is getting met, and when one's out of whack.

Communicate with your spouse, and check in to see if he/she is feeling satisfied with the amount of engagement you're giving them, your children or your marriage. Check in with yourself, and start to develop that intuition about your self to know when you need time to refill your own tank, and figure out how to do that for yourself.Plenty of men I talk with really don't know how to take care of themselves, and this is one big way to learn how. Carving out alone time is a good thing - it's not selfish, it can add to your personal growth and you don't have to feel guilty - as long as the other pieces of your life are getting that same attention and energy.

If you're too busy people pleasing, that might prevent you from taking alone time, because you're not used to attending to your own needs. This may be your learning curve: how to take care of your own needs, instead of pleasing and attending to other's needs for your own fulfillment.Conversely, if you take too much alone time, you might want to ask yourself if you're avoiding, or if you have other relationship issues you need to attend to.

Too much alone time may communicate to your family or spouse that they're not important enough to you. Maybe there are other issues going on that beckon your attention.Taking alone time for yourself, and meeting the needs of others in your life, is a balancing act that takes time and self-awareness to develop.

You need to be in constant communication with those close to you, and know yourself and your needs, and know when which needs to meet when, and how much. It's a trial-and-error system, figuring out what works and what doesn't.

If you’re interested in learning more about the Couple and Marriage counseling , or if counseling might be right for you, please feel free to contact me directly or visit our couple counseling page for detail.