Feel Like a Failure: A Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

More often than not, those people who, at their core, believe that they are failures will continue to create situations and draw people into their lives that reinforce those feelings. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy to either attract "mirrors" of our own low self-worth, or to not get into situations at all for fear of reinforcing that failure back to us.If we grow up in the world believing that we are fundamentally a failure, it's hard to run away from that belief system. We spend our lives weaving in jobs and romantic partners that promote the same types of messages about being a failure. Our environment legitimizes the negative feelings we harbor about ourselves.This is the self-fulfilling prophecy.

The people and situations that we bring into our lives reinforce back to us our sense of failure, because we've brought them into our lives. If you feel like a failure, you'll unconsciously be creating situations that reinforce that for you, even if that means not taking a risk because you're afraid of failure.For example, I know a man who has never fulfilled his educational or professional aspirations because he felt like he was never good enough. He was afraid of failure, so much that he would not dare put himself in job situations that would have the potential to set him up for experiencing that failure.

He would commit himself to jobs (and a career) that provided adequate happiness and a mediocre salary, just because he didn't want to deal with the sense of failure if he were to expand himself and better himself. He stifled himself, because that's what he felt he was worth, rather than dealing with the fear of failure within him. This is another version of dealing with failure: through avoidance.If you believe you're a success or are fundamentally worthy, you'll bring in people and situations into your life that validate those positive feelings for yourself. You'll attract mates, jobs, friends and experiences into your life because you feel that they should be there, because you're worth it. Conversely, no matter how much those people and experiences try to tell you you're worth it,if you don't feel it inside of yourself, you won't be able to fully take in those good feelings of worthiness.This isn't "The Secret.

" It's difficult just to shift gears and think about positive things to change our habits and behaviors. This is not some magical thinking that will reboot the failure software, and will make you an overnight millionaire and friends with everyone. Realistically, we have to go inside of ourselves and deal with the core sense of failure within us.

Often times, it's dark and uncomfortable to have to deal with the sense of failure or inferiority that many of us carry, but transformation is so much worth it.As men, we're not taught how to deal with our own sense of worthlessness or inferiority, but that's the very place that would facilitate change andinsight, which would trigger shifts in thinking and behaving. Start to get in touch with those feelings within you, if you carry them, instead of pushing them away or avoiding them. Begin talking about those feelings with your significant other, a family member, or a close friend.

Take a risk, and let someone in. Try to choose someone that can be nonjudgmental and can listen well, income can create a space for you to explore your feelings.Feeling like a sense of failure is not a death sentence. You can change this experience through looking inward, and constant attention to the feelings.

I don't know too many men that don't deal with these feelings on some level, but nobody's talking about it because we're supposed to be "strong men," and vulnerability is not part of that experience, according to our culture. Maybe it's time to start looking at those things for yourself, and challenge what you know.

If you’re interested in learning more about the Men’s counseling , or if counseling might be right for you, please feel free to contact me directly or visit our Men’s counseling page for detail.