The Pros and Cons of "Manning Up"

What comes to mind when you hear someone say that someone should "man up?" For some reason I always think of the rodeo cowboys who "cowboy up" to try to harness the incredible power of the bull. It's very American, and very masculine, to conquer our animalistic wildness with strong sense of discipline and responsibility.I read a New York times article that describes "man up" as a spectrum of meanings that could include meaning "to toughen up" and also "to be an upstanding man", or to be a mensch, in Yiddish parlance.Culture has certainly steered this term towards selling masculinity in its products, but I think the term still has merit.

I've always thought of it in the latter sense, that it implies being an upstanding man or to take responsibility for oneself and one's life. Conversely, I think that "man up" has also been used to inhibit men by way of saying that they need to be men and hide who they might actually be behind the facade they think society and others want from him."Manning up" works when it's motivational and progressive; it doesn't work well when it perpetuates the negative stereotypes of being a man. It inhibits instead of enriches, when used in that context, and is more meant to stoke our shame.

Maybe our intimate partners thrown that at us when we've screwed up, or when we're chronically lazy. On some level, maybe we already feel unworthy or not good enough. Being told to "man up" is just an extra layer of disincentive: it will contribute to our sense of failure and shame. Plus, what are we striving to attain? A sense of "becoming masculine" based on other's definitions of us? I don't think so. We already work hard to shed other's beliefs about us, why would we need something else to combat?We can use the idea of "manning up," as a way to remind us to get back on course when we've encountered obstruction, and to own up to the many forms of responsibility that encompass adulthood: taxes, parenting, marriage, family, work and household duties.

If it's used in the reminder sense, we can strive towards our ideal self and meet our own expectations of how we think we should live our lives. If we take "to man up" in this sense, we can compare our lives to itself, and not have to compare it to others' definitions of how we should be men. If you’re interested in learning more about the Men’s counseling , or if counseling might be right for you, please feel free to contact me directly or visit our Men’s counseling page for detail.