2012/2013 Annual Life Assessment and New Year’s Planning
Because it was so popular last year, I’ve decided to run the life assessment again this year, bringing with it some updated insights and ideas. I think this was one of the more shared and retweeted selections, and I’m glad that people got a lot from this article in 2011.At the end of each year, I like to spend time journalling about how my year has went: the good and the bad, what’s worked and what hasn’t, and build my successes on that. This helps me to anchor to meaning for my year, and helps give me and my upcoming year both motivation and direction, as well as a sense of pride when I finally accomplish each thing.
I would ask that you consider each of the following “life domains,” and block out some time to actually journal or formally assess each one on your spare time. Actually, with the availability of voice-to-text software, this thing can be a breeze. I spend minimal time on each one reading out my thoughts to my iPad, and the process of “talking” about them to my tablet actually adds a unique and cathartic extra dimension of journalling.Take each “domain”, and spend 5-10 minutes on each one. Consider the role of each “domain” in your life. Assess what worked for you, and what didn’t. Look honestly at your failures, and explain how things didn’t work, as opposed to why (I find how is more explanative, but if “why” works, fine by me). Look at where you wanted to be, where you actually were with each domain at year’s end, and what barriers were there (internal, external) to helping you to achieve what you wanted for your 2012.Sometimes, when things are going to be 5-year plans or more, I’ll identify one step or chunk of the goal, and feel successful if I’ve done just one thing towards attainment of the larger goal.
Relationships with Others
Relationship with Self
Money
Mental Health
Health + Wellness
Spirit
Hobbies and Interests
With “Relationships with Others”, I like to look at the way I’ve interacted with others, and put myself in others’ shoes as to how my behavior was with them. Ask those close to you to give you feedback about how they perceive you, or what you could be doing to strengthen the relationships with those people. Just the process of being open and asking others for feedback will strengthen the relationships, so push your pride aside temporarily for open and honest feedback.On the “Relationship with Self” domain, I like to explore how I’ve treated myself this year: was I kind to myself? Did I get into self-sabotaging behavior, or behavior I wasn’t proud of? How did I deal with internal struggles, or anger/fear/shame? Did I cope in effective ways, or did I fall back on negative coping strategies I didn’t really feel good about? Write or journal the ways in which you would like to change the relationship with yourself this year.Taking stock of money is never fun, but I like to repeatedly do this, not just once a year, but several times through.
Ron Lieber from the New York Times does a “financial health day” once a year, where he takes a day off and attends to all of his financial matters. Questions for you to consider: how did I treat my money this year? Did I spend liberally on eating out or alcohol? Did I finally get that savings plan to materialize? I like to look at my numbers from Mint.com, and get an accurate read of where my money went. Sub-domains I consider are: taxes, estate planning, retirement planning, gradual or semi-annual increases in retirement savings, insurance, bills, mortgage issues, day-to-day spending, “emotional” spending on things I don’t need, and other “sub-domains.” Consider what yours are, or, better yet, set them up with a free Mint.com account to help you track them without your intervention. This can help, certainly, but it can expose some blind spots to your spending you might not otherwise want to see.The “Mental Health” domain is a bit less concrete as the “money” domain, but just as important or more so. I ask myself things like this: when were my moods positive, and when not so? What factors contributed to moodiness (for me, it’s lack of sleep, not eating the right foods, not exercising). Did I work on the mental health well-being things I needed to this year? How did I implement stress management? Did I take care of myself, or, do I know how to take care of myself?
For “Health and Wellness,” I like to see how regularly I did my exercise routine, without challenging myself more than I can handle. I know I can easily get off track, and diverge from my exercise plan, so I set the bar around 3x week for 30 minutes. If I can do this regularly, it’s a success. Nothing special, as long as the regularity is there. I find if you don’t set yourself up for marathon-proportions (if indeed you’re not running a marathon), the task accomplishment comes more easily.The “Spirit” domain can include anything you deem spiritual, or religious, for that matter. It doesn’t need to be set in stone, but can you take time out of the whirlwind of your life to attend to your spirit. In can be as simple as taking in nature, or as advanced as going to church or synagogue regularly. Some guys prefer to spend regular time alone with themselves. Again, there is whatever you consider “spiritual.
”The next one is a tough one, but making a habit of attending to your hobbies and interests has multi-fold benefits: it prolongs your life through challenging your brain, helps you engage socially and meet new people (or new dates, for the single chaps), and helps you develop skill sets in things you enjoy. I also find, from taking to my clients, that it helps them take off their work-driven hat, which is hard for a lot of men who over-identify with their work lives.
I spend numerous days attending to my photography this year, and even took up guitar lessons for half of the year, as to not continue to keep my guitar dusty. What hobbies or interests did you do, or consider doing, this past year? What keeps you from doing them? What would get you to do them next year?Take it slow, take your time on each of these domains, and try to make a habit of assessing them at the end of the year. I’ll be here to coach you along if you like.
I do really find that doing this from year to year, my life starts to bend positively towards my ideal visions of it in my head. When the ideal matches the reality, you’re living in accordance with yourself and your values, and living a good life. If you’re interested in learning more about the Men’s counseling , or if counseling might be right for you, please feel free to contact me directly or visit our Men’s counseling page for detail.
