Is the Fear of Being Alone Keeping You From Getting a Divorce?

Society has idolized the ideal family image for a long time. The vision of a married couple with two kids, a dog, and a white picket fence is ingrained in many people’s minds as the perfect life. Unfortunately, that vision is never quite a reality. In real life, dad might have anger issues and mom might be demeaning. The kids could be little hellraisers and the fence has a hole in it. Life isn’t perfect, and often the trajectory of life doesn’t go as planned. Many couples who start out with this ideal family life end up divorced five, 10, or even 20 years later.  In fact, according to the American Psychological Association, 40 to 50 percent of all marriages in the U.S. end in divorce. 

The Number One Fear Of Divorce

One of the biggest challenges people face when contemplating divorce is the fear of being alone. Nobody likes to feel lonely, and suddenly finding yourself without a life partner is scary. It’s not just your partner you have to learn to live apart from, either. In a lot of cases, social circles can change too. You may not hang out with the same married couples anymore or you might have to move to a different area. It’s things like this that make the idea of divorce feel very isolating. 

To fully understand your fear of being alone, however, you have to go deeper into why you’re so afraid of being by yourself. It’s not just the thought of being alone that causes people to struggle with divorce. There’s also the fear that you won’t find another relationship or that you’ll grow old by yourself. Not to mention the idea of dating again can be downright overwhelming. 

Overcoming Your Fear Of Being Alone

It’s never easy to face your fears, but once you do you’ll feel a lot stronger and more confident. If you’re in an unhealthy relationship, then divorce may be necessary to live a more fulfilling life. Below are some tips you can use to overcome your fears and confidently face the day. 

Stop Worrying About Being Alone

As they say, worrying doesn’t change anything, so stop fixating on your troubles. Constantly thinking about being alone will only make you feel miserable, plus it sows unfounded fear in your mind. Think about it for a moment. What were you worried about one or two years ago? Did those worries ever actually come to fruition? Even if they did, was it as bad as you had imagined it would be? The mind tends to look at the worst-case scenario when you worry, which rarely is what actually happens. Make a conscious effort to stop worrying so much during the day and find things that remind you of life’s little joys.

Rediscover Who You Are

When you’ve been married a long time people tend to think of themselves as a unit. After a divorce, this unified identity is suddenly split. Your identity might be “wife” or “husband,” but after a divorce, you’ll lose that part of yourself. That’s why you need to spend time rediscovering who you are as an individual. You were someone before your marriage, and you’re still a unique individual now, you just have to remember who that is. 

Think about some of the activities you did before marriage. Maybe you really loved traveling but settled down once you were in a serious relationship, or perhaps you enjoyed taking cooking or language classes but didn’t have time for them after marriage. Reconnect with one of these hobbies or find something new that helps you rediscover your sense of self. This will not only make you feel more confident, but it’ll also help you overcome loneliness by helping you stay active.

Talk To Someone

Divorce is difficult emotionally and mentally. It’s a huge life change that shouldn’t be made lightly. If you’re unsure whether divorce is really right for you, then sign up for divorce counseling to determine if you and your partner can reconcile your differences. 

If you’re already going through a divorce, it is still helpful to talk to a professional counselor about how you’re feeling. A professional therapist is more equipped to help you process emotions and recognize thought patterns. Loneliness, in particular, is challenging to overcome, but a professional counselor can give you the tools and resources you need to move on. 

If you’re interested in learning more about our services, please visit our divorce counseling page.