Why You Need to Know Your Relationship Dealbreakers from the Start

We are all aware that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship, mainly because there is no such thing as a perfect human being. Every one of us brings our own set of flaws and imperfections to our interactions. People in healthy relationships learn to tolerate differences and accept and value one another for who they are.

But certain things can be difficult to overlook. These unpleasant or even intolerable relationship aspects are known as “dealbreakers.”

What Exactly Are Dealbreakers, and Why Do You Need to Know Them from the Start?


Dealbreakers involve behaviors, beliefs, or values of a potential long-term partner that you find unacceptable.

Some superficial things that you find irritating in a new partner can be overlooked, put up with, or corrected. For example, their annoying habits, such as snoring or leaving clothing around the house, can be challenging to put up with but don’t have to be relationship dealbreakers.

However, a new partner may hold beliefs or exhibit behaviors you deeply disagree with. Also, some things can be a legit danger to your emotional and psychological health and well-being.

To start a new relationship on solid ground, it's important to figure out these things early on.

Moreover, being aware of relationship dealbreakers in the early stages of dating can help you avoid potentially toxic relationships and protect your well-being.

What are Some Common Relationship Dealbreakers?


Relationship dealbreakers are different for each person. Therefore, something that is a relationship dealbreaker for one person might not bother another person at all.

But dealbreakers can also be red flags of potentially harming behaviors in your relationship that should not be ignored. So, it is to your benefit to be aware of relationship dealbreakers before becoming too deeply involved with someone.

Some seriously upsetting relationship dealbreakers that cannot be tolerated or overlooked involve:

  • Blatant disrespect

  • Infidelity

  • Substance abuse

  • Verbal and emotional abuse

  • Physical abuse

Such behaviors can seriously harm your emotional, mental, and physical well-being, so you should immediately address them and take steps to avoid them – ideally by ending the relationship.

However, other things can have a significant effect on your relationships, happiness, self-esteem, and overall satisfaction, even if they don’t pose a real threat to your health.

Knowing these dealbreakers from the start will help you decide whether or not to commit to a new relationship; and, if you do, to begin a new relationship with honesty and authenticity.

Some relationship dealbreakers that come in the form of personal traits, beliefs, or values may involve:

  • Conflicting political or religious beliefs

  • Different spending and saving habits

  • Wanting or not wanting children

  • Willingness or unwillingness to commit

  • Communication issues

  • Disliking each other’s friends or families

  • Different sex drives

  • A long-distance relationship

  • Different love languages

  • Lack of trust

  • An obsession with social media

Different desires and expectations can turn into important relationship dealbreakers. So, keep in mind that communication is essential in a relationship. Many of these dealbreakers arise because partners shy away from being vulnerable with one another and expressing how they truly feel or what they want.

Addressing your relationship dealbreakers from the start can help you set boundaries, clarify expectations, and alleviate any negative behaviors that could harm your relationship.

For example, your partner may feel more at ease in an open relationship while you desire a consenting monogamous relationship. So, if you disagree on what constitutes infidelity, you may find them breaching the rules and feeling wounded.

When you are blinded by love, it might not be easy to spot possible relationship dealbreakers in the early stages of dating. Even if you do notice them, you may choose to dismiss them because other elements of your relationship make you feel so happy.

How to Handle Relationship Dealbreakers


Here are some things you can do to protect yourself and figure out if a potential relationship dealbreaker can be worked through.


  • Don’t Ignore Red Flags

Never ignore red flags in a relationship, even if they are not too obvious. For example, a narcissist’s love-bombing could appear as an overabundance of affection and attention. So, listen to what your intuition is telling you. If something feels off, it probably is.


  • Express Your Concern

Talk to your partner if you are concerned about certain behaviors or personal differences. Let them know if some things are unacceptable and why.

  • Don’t Settle

While there may be room for negotiation and compromise on certain dealbreakers, others should be taken very seriously and seen as red flags. If your partner’s behavior threatens your physical or mental health, you have every right to quit the relationship.

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Marriage and Couples C...Jason Fierstein