Stuck in the Middle: How to Handle Conflicts Between Your Spouse and Your Family

The holiday season has arrived, bringing much-anticipated downtime, festiveness, and touching family reunions. You and your partner are spending the holidays with your family this year. You look forward to it but kind of dread it, too.

You are aware of the tension between your wife and your sister, which has existed since you started dating. You'll never forget your sister's "innocent" comments about your wife's parenting choices during last year's Christmas dinner or your wife's strong response about minding her own business. Or how you felt split between your offended, darling wife and your sister, whom you love dearly.

Let's be honest. The holiday season has its own set of challenges, especially when it comes to spending time with your family and negotiating conflicts between your spouse and them. Here are some practical tips from a marriage counselor to help you effectively handle conflicts between your spouse and family.

• Understand the Root Cause

First, make sure you understand why the conflict is happening. Conflicts and disagreements with in-laws often have roots in cultural differences, different upbringings, and different personality traits. Sometimes, they result from miscommunication. As you act as a mediator in these conflicts, understanding where they stem from can help create a more positive atmosphere where no one feels judged.

• Set Boundaries with Respect and Love

It may be challenging to respect and love your family while prioritizing and protecting your relationship. However, setting boundaries with your family of origin regarding your spouse is necessary. Let your family know that while you love and respect them, your partner's feelings and well-being are a priority. This can help clarify expectations and set some communication rules and limits.

• Insist on Open Communication

Instead of taking sides, try understanding each side and validating each person's feelings. Having your spouse and family members openly share their perspectives, concerns, and needs is the best way to prevent conflicts or positively resolve them. In addition, make sure to keep communication lines open with your spouse and offer them a listening ear. This will help them feel appreciated, heard, and secure.

Honesty and open communication can help each side understand where the other person is coming from, acknowledge each other's feelings, and understand each other's viewpoints. This openness, validation, and empathy can significantly reduce tension and help resolve conflicts.

• Keep the Atmosphere Light

Avoid heated topics such as politics, religion, parenting, the economy, and any other potentially triggering subjects. Instead, stick to basic themes, funny childhood recollections, or memories from your most recent family trip. If you notice tension building, try to lighten the situation with good humor or simply change the subject.

• Prioritize Self-Care

Juggling between your spouse and your family members can be draining and frustrating. So, remember to take care of yourself. Set aside regular time for activities that help you relax during your stay with your parents. This dedicated "me time" can involve anything from taking a relaxing bath or engaging in creative expression to practicing mindfulness or going to the gym. Just make sure this "me time" is non-negotiable, as it can provide a great emotional outlet, help clear your thoughts, and approach family conflicts with a clearer perspective.

• Present a United Front

Discuss your concerns and develop strategies for handling potential conflicts before returning home. This will help create a united front with your partner, which will enforce your boundaries and impact how your family interacts with your spouse.

• Seek Professional Help

Almost every family has its challenges. Different views of parenting between generations, cultural differences, and different personalities can lead to distress in extended families. Don't hesitate to seek professional help if you struggle to handle conflicts between your spouse and your family, as an outside perspective can sometimes bring crucial insights and solutions.

Family therapy or couples counseling can help you address and work out these issues in a safe setting and with professional guidance.

Your couples counselor may provide a secure setting in which you can better understand the difficulties, learn to navigate conflicts between your spouse and your family, and develop effective self-care strategies to protect your own emotional well-being.

To find out more about our services, click here: couples counseling.