Men and Parenting: Do You Feel Like a Failure?

Experts say that the pattern of connection with our parents is the one thing that we carry with us for the rest of our lives. Parenting style has an impact on how we learn to deal with life. Our mental health, life satisfaction, and happiness, as well as the success of our adult relationships, all depend on the quality of that relationship.

Most of us want to be the best parents for our children – your priorities, attitudes, and identity change after becoming a father. However, masculinity norms in western cultures are likely to impact men's parenting attitudes and behavior.

That is, gender-role stereotypes place men in the role of secondary parents, often excusing them from sharing parenting responsibilities equally. This may cause you to feel like you are not doing enough, or you don't have what it takes to be a good father.

Perhaps you work long hours and feel bad about not spending enough time with your children. Or you don't watch sports and feel bad about not taking your son to games. You may feel guilty for spending so much time outside the house with your pals doing "guy's stuff." Or you might be divorced, afraid that failing in your marriage means failing as a father too.

You may ask yourself, "What if my children don't talk to me when they're older?" "How can I become a better father moving forward?" or "What damage has my marriage suffered due to my failure as a parent?"

Anxiety about parenting can take its toll on your mood, self-esteem, and mental health.

How to Deal with Your Sense of Failure?

While failures are unavoidable in your parenting journey, they don't mean that you are a failure. However, here are some things to keep in mind when you start to feel like a failure as a father.

Recognize that "Perfect" Does Not Exist

When you feel like you're falling short as a father, realize that perfection does not exist. We are all flawed and imperfect as humans. Knowing this can help you be more kind to yourself and look at parenting mistakes as chances to learn and grow.

Explore What Shapes Your Identity

Your identity is a collection of your characteristics, abilities, beliefs, values, attitudes, goals, and other elements that make you who you are. It is a combination of your experiences and decisions.

Parenting can impact your perception of yourself and your identity. Many men and women struggle with their identities after becoming parents. However, it does not have to be difficult to incorporate your child into your identity. You may be a wonderful, dedicated father while doing other things in your life.

Also, don't limit your identity to just one aspect, such as your work or abilities, but continuously work on developing your sense of authentic self. Learn to treat yourself with self-acceptance and self-compassion, forgive yourself, accept your flaws, and trust your choices.

Bond with Your Children

A sense of failure can be demoralizing and shameful, causing you to withdraw and isolate yourself from your family. Keep in mind, though, that your kids need you regardless of how you feel about yourself.

So, spend time with your children, participate in various activities, talk to them, and be interested in their lives. Spending time with your children and learning about their lives can help you bond and feel more confident in your parenting.

Examine Your Self-Limiting Beliefs

A negative self-perception may lead to self-sabotage, limiting your happiness, success, and opportunities. Self-sabotage involves thinking patterns and behaviors that can prevent you from being your authentic self. As a result, it can cause you to feel like a failure, harming your health, undermining your self-esteem, and disrupting your relationships.

Keeping a journal about your thoughts and feelings can help you find and understand self-limiting beliefs that make you feel like a failure.

Don't Compare Yourself to Other Fathers

The habit of comparing yourself to other dads will not help you improve your parenting skills. On the contrary, it may just exacerbate your feelings of inadequacy and failure, causing worry, unhappiness, and low self-esteem.

So, avoid comparison and celebrate your individuality. Remind yourself that you don't have to be the perfect parent, but you do have to be authentic and compassionate.

Practice Affirmations

Remember that our anxieties and self-doubt stem from our thoughts. To challenge self-critical thoughts, practice positive affirmations. Affirmations are positive statements about ourselves that can boost our optimism, improve our self-esteem, and inspire self-compassion.

A daily practice of affirmations can help you think more positively, deal with difficult emotions, and see yourself in a better light.

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