How to Set Boundaries with Parents and In-Laws Around Religion
Couples who seek marriage counseling frequently bring up the problem of their parents' lack of healthy boundaries when it comes to matters of religion.
For many people, religion is a fundamental aspect of their identity. However, it may lead to a lot of tension and arguments when children hold different religious beliefs. Therefore, setting boundaries around religion may be necessary.
What to Do When Parents and In-Laws Overstep Boundaries
Your parents and in-laws may be very loving and supportive. They could assist with child care and other responsibilities, making your life much easier. However, religious differences between you and your parents or in-laws may create increasing conflicts.
They may deny your autonomy and responsibility while at the same time forcing their own beliefs and values on your children.
For example, your parents may feel disappointed and unsuccessful since they could not convince you to accept their religion. As a result, they may want to do the same with your children, such as taking them to church or insisting on particular religious traditions, etc. This might be stressful, especially if your and your partner's families come from different religious backgrounds.
Most people in healthy families are able to find a balance between their different values and still love and accept each other, even if they don't share the same religious beliefs. But, if you think your relationship with your parents or in-laws is unhealthy, a lack of clear boundaries regarding religious differences may add to the tension.
Here are five strategies to handle grandparents who cross boundaries around religion.
Make Boundaries Clear
Be open and clear about what behaviors you are uncomfortable with. Sit and talk with your parents or in-laws. Make it clear when you believe they have overstepped the limits or when you are uncomfortable with their attempts to impose their religious views and rituals on you or your children.
Let them know that they are no longer in control and are expected to respect the rules you have established as a parent. However, avoid tense arguments and treat your parents and in-laws with respect.
Setting healthy boundaries allows you to communicate to your parents that you respect their religious views but are confident about your own beliefs or that you don't feel comfortable with them interfering with your parenting.
Consider Their Viewpoint
A little empathy goes a long way. Remember that your parents' spirituality is a significant part of their identity. Religion may be one of the few or the only ties they have to their culture of origin, so try viewing things from their perspective.
Keep your emotions in check and assume that they have the best intentions. Pay close attention to what your parents tell you and respect their feelings. Then, talk to your parents and in-laws in a calm way and tell them why you think they should respect the way you raise your kids.
Keep a Journal
Journaling is an excellent way to voice your thoughts and feelings when upset. However, the benefits of journaling go well beyond this. Keeping a journal can help you identify and overcome negative thoughts, reduce stress, anxiety, and depression, and work through past trauma.
Address the Root Cause of Family Dysfunction
There are times when religious differences are not the primary cause of problems in your relationships with your parents or in-laws.
Marriage counseling can be a safe place to talk about childhood trauma, problems with attachment or communication, or anything else that is making it hard for you to get along with your parents or in-laws as an adult.
Work on Your Communication Skills
If your conversation with your parents or in-laws is focused on blame and criticism, your relationship with them will likely degrade even further. In the same way, if you get defensive or shut down and don't talk to them, things may get worse between you.
If you are feeling overwhelmed and unable to settle the communication problem with your or your partner's parents, marriage counseling can assist you in identifying unhealthy communication habits and understanding how they impact your family relationships and well-being.
Your marriage counselor can also help you develop new, constructive communication skills and learn how to set boundaries in an emotionally safe and respectful way.
To find out more about our services, click here: marriage counseling.
