How to Build Your Sense of Self-Worth
Do you feel as though you need the approval of other people in order to feel happy, valued, and confident in yourself? Do you always try to please others? Do you try to be a nice guy and go out of your way to accommodate people around you?
Our insecure attachment style and unmet childhood needs can affect our adult relationships. This can cause us to struggle with people-pleasing, insecurity, and low self-worth. In addition, because we are too sensitive to rejection, we may develop dependency connections and a persistent need for approval in our adult relationships, becoming people-pleasers.
If you do not value yourself highly, you could struggle with insecurity and poor self-confidence. And your insecurity might unfortunately act as a magnet, attracting in people who are harmful to you.
However, there are many effective strategies for building your self-worth and change your perspective on yourself, other people, and your life prospects.
Where Does Our Sense of Self-Worth Come From?
Our self-worth represents how we feel about ourselves – a healthy sense of self-worth is feeling good about yourself and believing you deserve love and appreciation from others. It entails self-compassion and healthy self-esteem and it is linked to various positive outcomes, such as greater happiness, improved confidence, better relationships, and improved mental health and well-being.
Our sense of self-worth stems from our life experiences and messages about ourselves and others that we internalized while growing up. When you internalize negative beliefs about yourself, they become core beliefs that determine how you perceive and feel about yourself.
If you have low self-esteem, you may believe that you are unworthy or unlovable. Self-critical thoughts of worthlessness and failure can impact your mental state, life choices, and behavior, making it difficult to set boundaries and keeping you stuck in toxic relationships.
Being a "Nice Guy" vs. People-Pleasing
People frequently confuse being kind with trying to please others. Kindness involves being friendly, selfless, and compassionate toward other people simply because these traits are innate to you.
How to Recognize People-Pleasing Behaviors
Can't Say "No"
People-pleasers can't say "no" to other people because they're always afraid of being disapproved of or seen as rude or lacking in some way if they do. This makes it easy for others to take advantage of them.
Obsessed with Being Perfect
You never lose your temper or behave impolitely toward others, for example, since you consider these behaviors inappropriate and instead suppress your feelings.
Feeling Guilty All the Time
If you are a people-pleaser, you could always feel guilty, regardless of whether something was your fault.
Need Praise to Feel Good About Yourself
Your partner's opinion of you is your sole source of self-worth. For instance, you will feel happy once your spouse acknowledges or compliments your look, skills, or efforts.
How to Stop People Pleasing and Improve Your Self-Worth
The constant need to accept others and the tendency to please others can contribute to anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and substance abuse. This unhealthy attachment style can prevent your personal growth and you from having the life you deserve.
Here are a few suggestions that might help you break the people-pleasing habit and build up your self-worth.
Set Boundaries
Establishing boundaries and saying "no" can improve your self-care and protect your mental health and well-being. In addition, healthy boundaries can build your confidence and teach you how to treat yourself with more compassion and forgiveness.
Practice Affirmations
Affirmations help people positively think of themselves. If you tell yourself positive things about yourself every day, your subconscious will start to believe that these are the only facts and begin to act in line with them.
So, positive affirmations can make you more resistant to stress and help you break bad habits. Furthermore, positive self-thoughts can encourage you to treat yourself with more compassion and build your self-esteem.
Always begin your affirmations with the words "I am" and state them in the present tense for them to be as powerful as possible. Be sure to make your affirmations concise and focused on a single topic. You can, for example, formulate affirmations for self-love, self-care, confidence, gratitude, and so on. Affirmations should include statements about yourself and not others.
Seek Professional Assistance
However, if you cannot control your tendency to please others alone, you should consider seeking help from a mental health professional. A counselor may help you identify and challenge negative self-beliefs and develop the tools necessary to improve your self-worth and confidence.
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