How to Restore Trust in a Marriage or Relationship

Trust is the foundation of all relationships, and this is quite straightforward. If you had met someone and didn't trust them, you would probably stay away from that person. Likewise, when we engage in romantic relationships, we expect our partners to be there for us, love us, and be faithful.

For most people, infidelity is a terrible experience that shakes the foundation of their relationship. When a deceived partner discovers their spouse's infidelity, they usually feel dejected, baffled, furious, despairing, and lost. They may also experience low self-esteem, hopelessness, and isolation.

Betrayal triggers grief that makes it difficult to trust others again. So, when a marriage's trust is broken, there is no easy way out. If you cheated, you must recognize that your partner will need time to decide whether they can forgive and trust you again. It can be difficult to save a marriage after infidelity and lying. However, it is not impossible.

The Root Causes of Infidelity

It's difficult for a deceived partner to understand adultery without being judgmental. So, accept that your spouse’s reaction may vary from shock, anger and aggression to withdrawal or grief. 

However, instead of wasting time on blaming yourself, try to figure out what prompted you to seek an affair. Was it the loss of intimacy in your marriage that prompted the infidelity? Was there a lack of independence or a sense of space in the relationship? Maybe your partner didn't respond to your attempts to connect, so you looked for a connection outside of your marriage? Or have you become tired of your partner?

You must first answer these questions before moving on to rebuild trust and heal your relationship. The nature and duration of your affair can also be also crucial factors in reestablishing trust and connection in your marriage.  

Emotional Affairs

An emotional affair involves closeness between a person and someone who is not their partner. When you devote your attention to someone other than your spouse, this can easily jeopardize your marriage.

Although emotional affairs do not involve sex, they can be just as devastating to a relationship as physical infidelity since the degree of emotional intimacy in these relationships is intense.

Discovering that you are emotionally engaged to someone else can be quite painful for your spouse. Even if an emotional affair does not lead to a physical one, the consequences for your marriage can be just as damaging.

An emotional affair usually suggests that there is a problem in a marriage. However, before the emotional affair gets out of hand, think about what is missing from the relationship that makes you vulnerable to temptation.

Having an open conversation with your partner can improve your ability to communicate better and understand each other, strengthen the relationship, and help you deal with problems in your marriage,

Stop the Affair

First and foremost, you must end the affair and cease communication with the individual you have had an affair with (regardless of whether it was an emotional or sexual affair). There will be no reconciliation as long as you stay in contact with that person. Couples counseling will also be impossible as long as you are involved in an affair.

Be Honest

Communication is essential in the aftermath of infidelity. To repair trust and save your marriage in crisis, you must be willing to speak openly about your unfaithfulness, answer your partner's questions, and work hard to prove your trustworthiness.

If you are unwilling to apologize and address what happened, this may indicate that you are reluctant to rebuild trust and commit to improving the relationship.

Seek Marriage Counseling

If your marriage is in serious trouble, you will most likely benefit from couples therapy. Marriage counseling can assist you in coming clean about your actions, exploring the reasons for adultery, and determining how to reestablish trust and connection.

Psychotherapy can also help you and your spouse work on self-compassion, self-forgiveness, and forgiveness. The ability to forgive and self-forgive can support you in letting go of resentment, hurt, guilt, shame, and anger, making peace with the past, and beginning to reestablish trust.

Give Your Partner Some Space

No matter how hard you attempt to restore trust, keep in mind that a large portion of the healing following infidelity is up to your partner.

Learning to trust again after an affair is challenging but possible. You can only repair your relationship if you are willing to prioritize your marriage and show trustworthiness in your actions. Also, your spouse needs to be ready to forgive and let go of anger and resentment. Consider that your spouse's trust takes time and couples therapy to repair and that you cannot just "fix" it, no matter how much you think you can.

What you can do is, to be honest and work hard to rebuild trust and save your marriage after infidelity and breach of trust.

To find out more about our services, click here: infidelity counseling.