A Guide for Men: How to Deal with Your Partner’s Pregnancy Loss

Pregnancy loss is the spontaneous termination of a pregnancy that affects approximately 25% of pregnant women. Miscarriages are common and can occur for several reasons. This, however, does not make the experience any less painful.

Pregnancy loss is one of the most upsetting life experiences, so being there for your partner is critical. However, it is also good to seek support for yourself while grieving.

Accept Your Feelings

A miscarriage is the tragic loss of someone you’ve never met. As a result, the normal grieving that follows a loss may be accompanied by feelings of discomfort, confusion, or emptiness.

You may be perplexed about how to express your feelings or how to help your partner cope with hers. You may go through various stages of grief, experiencing different emotions such as shock and disbelief, confusion, denial, anger, despair, guilt, and sadness. It is normal to feel this way, though.

So, it is essential to allow yourself to stay present in emotional pain and mourn your loss. Also, to process the loss and begin healing, encourage your spouse to share her feelings and allow yourselves to be vulnerable with each other.

Make Your Loss Real

The goal of grief is to help us come to terms with our loss, integrate it into our lives, and move on to continue living with the loss in a healthy way. While grieving for someone you've never met can be confusing, this does not make your loss any less real. 

So, revealing your child’s gender to friends and family, putting a sonogram in a shadow box frame, or planting a tree in memory of your child may help you deal with your loss by making it more real.

Grieve Together

Although most of us typically associate grief with the death of a loved one, miscarriage involves many different types of bereavement. For both expectant parents, there is significant emotional distress.

In addition to the loss of your unborn child, pregnancy loss involves various personal losses. You and your wife may also be grieving the loss of the expected role and identity of parenthood, inner dreams, hopes, and plans for the future. So, it may be challenging to support your partner’s grief while grieving yourself.

However, miscarriage can affect women in some specific ways. For example, your wife may experience feelings of guilt and failure or fear of becoming pregnant again. She may feel discouraged, hopeless, and depressed.

In addition to feeling sad, your spouse may also feel the physical effects of pregnancy loss caused by hormones, making them feel even more heartbroken.

So, be there for her. Offer a listening ear and allow your partner to talk about her feelings. Encourage her to talk with people who can support her. Spend time in nature or do other activities that you both enjoy.

Take care of yourself as well. Get proper sleep, surround yourself with positive people, and discuss your feelings with someone you trust or a professional.

Going Back to Everyday Life

Mental health implications of loss can make going back to your routine difficult and daunting. You and your spouse may feel unprepared to go back to work or face other people’s reactions. While people around us usually want to be supportive and make us feel better, their attention and care may feel overwhelming when you are grieving a pregnancy loss.

Friends, family, and colleagues at work may also react unhelpfully by feeling uncomfortable in your presence, avoiding you, or expecting you to move on and feel better before you feel ready.

However, it is normal for people not to know how to respond in the way they need while grieving. So, remember that it is okay to set boundaries and let others know how you feel, what you need, and what you don’t.

Summary

Remember that grief after a pregnancy loss has no rules – there will be days when your partner wants to talk about her feelings or seems to be getting back to herself. However, there may be times when she withdraws, looks for a distraction, or becomes irritable and angry. She may not know what she wants from you or how she feels, feeling confused and overwhelmed.

Let her know that whatever she feels is okay and that you are there for her. Allowing yourselves to feel all of your feelings after a miscarriage is essential part of healing.

Seek couples grief counselling if you believe you will be unable to assist your partner in coping with the loss, or if you are feeling overwhelmed yourself. A qualified therapist can help you address disturbing emotions and work through them, improve your communication, increase your resilience, and process grief.

To find out more about our services, click here: marriage counseling.