How Much Fighting is Normal, and When Is It Too Much?

Conflicts are an inseparable part of communication. Having conflicts with your partner still doesn’t have to mean that your marriage is in trouble. Of course, we all seek pleasure and happiness in our relationships. So, frequent disagreements and fights can produce discomfort and tension, indicating that something is wrong in the relationship.

Constructive Fighting: When Conflicts Are Beneficial?

Many people try to get around confrontations, believing they are something we should avoid at all costs if we want to have happy, healthy relationships.

However, avoiding conflicts does not reduce stress and serves no purpose in the long run. Instead, it may aggravate the problem by increasing tension and making you feel more alone and anxious.

Conflicts play their part in communication, and they may actually be helpful to a relationship if you know how to recover and mend after an argument.

Conflicts, for example, can increase honesty by encouraging you to openly discuss what is important to you. Also, constructive conflicts provide an opportunity to work on your problems and make positive changes.

In addition, some issues can simply not be resolved. For example, fighting will most likely not change either of your perspectives if you have fundamental disagreements. But healthy discussions may improve empathy, teaching you to appreciate and respect each other, even if you strongly disagree.

No relationship is perfect. Couples argue about everything all the time. However, conflicts should not threaten your relationship as long as you retain openness, honesty, and know how to bounce back after an argument.

Understanding that anger and resentment never solve the problems that caused them in the first place might help you let go, forgive, and move on after a disagreement.

When You Think It's Time to Divorce: How Much Fighting in a Relationship is Too Much?

You can't expect to see eye-to-eye to eye on everything with your partner. However, fighting on a regular basis is harmful not just to your relationship but also to the health and well-being of the people involved.

So, how much fighting with your partner is normal, and when is it excessive? Do your conflicts help you learn and grow as a couple? Or is it time to call it quits?

In a 2000 study, the leading marriage and family researcher in the United States, John Gottman, found that fighting in an "attack-defend" mode, which is marked by anger, wrath, and contempt, could be an early sign of divorce.

On the other hand, couples who criticized each other ignored each other, and got defensive were more likely to split up in the future.

You Fight for the Sake of Fighting

This type of conflict does no good because it doesn't inspire changes. If you pick a fight over everything, wanting to hurt one another or gain control, this may signal that it's time to divorce.

There is a Lack of Commitment

If you fight a lot, it could mean that neither of you is committed to your relationship or is doing anything to keep it going. But, instead, one or both of you may have already decided in your minds that you want to break up.

Toxic Blame Games

Personal accountability is necessary for healthy relationships. Therefore, accepting responsibility for your ideas and actions would be best if you want to have productive disagreements.

But if you shut down, get angry, or play an endless game of "who's to blame?" during fights, you won't be able to solve problems or change patterns that aren't working in your relationship.

You Feel Depleted and Depreciated

If you continuously feel emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted, this might indicate that your relationship has become toxic.

If almost every interaction with your partner causes you to feel insecure, depleted, and overwhelmed, if there is ongoing manipulation, aggression, and hostility, consider ending your marriage. When you're in toxic relationships, you may feel stressed out, anxious, depressed, and emotionally depleted because of the stress and frustration you feel all the time.

Toxic relationships may have long-term negative consequences on our physical and emotional health. Therefore, it is critical to recognize whether your marriage is becoming toxic.

There Is Continuous Criticism and Judgment

Using judgmental language such as "You have to," "You'd better," or "You shouldn't" provokes defensiveness and offense from the message receiver. Such language reflects disrespect for our partners' feelings and needs. It usually provokes a negative reaction, which is understandable given that most of us don't appreciate being told what we should or should not do.

In short, if this is your default mode of communication, you're not going anywhere. However, couples counseling may provide a safe environment to discuss your problems, find ways to reconnect, or end your marriage on good terms.

To find out more about our services, click here: divorce counseling.