How Does Being Married on the Spectrum Work?

The autism spectrum and other neurodiversity are characterized by learning, thinking, communication differences, and restricted interests and behaviors. These differences impact a person’s cognitive, social, and behavioral development.

Neurodiverse children and adults are often subject to stigma and discrimination, which usually leads to unmet social, academic, emotional, and health-care needs and opportunities to engage in their communities.

However, many people with Asperger’s or other spectrum differences connect with others, engage in relationships, and get married. Neurodiverse individuals can be gifted, hardworking, honest, funny, and reliable. Accepting your partner’s strengths and weaknesses as part of their neurodiversity can help with acceptance and improve your relationship.

But how to have a successful marriage with someone on the spectrum? Here are some limitations and things to consider.

What is Neurodiversity?

Understanding your partner’s difference is the first step towards having a successful marriage as a neurodiverse couple.

The neurodiversity view is that brain differences among people are normal, rather than deficits. Neurodiverse people show differences in learning and thinking that depend on how the brain is wired to support cognitive processes. According to the concept of neurodiversity, brains in neurodiverse people simply work differently from other people’s. 

This concept promotes inclusion in schools and workplaces. It helps reduce the stigma attached to learning and thinking differences such as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), autism spectrum, dyslexia, dyspraxia, and other brain differences. 

Understanding that autism spectrum disorder is actually a physiologically-based neurological difference is essential to accepting your partner and overcoming marriage issues. 

Accepting Your Partner’s Diagnosis

Accepting the AS or other neurodiversity diagnosis is the second step on your road to building a successful neurodiverse relationship. It can help you continue learning about the autism spectrum, seek support from a clinician experienced with the adult autism spectrum, or join a support group for people with AS and their partners.

Addressing Their Mental Health Concerns

Individuals on the autism spectrum often experience anxiety, depression, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), or obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). If unrecognized and undiagnosed, these mental health concerns can impact a person’s day-to-day life and intensify the negative ASD traits such as sudden mood swings, irritability, impulsivity, anger, and withdrawal. 

Therefore, it is essential to diagnose and treat these mental health problems with medications and/or psychotherapy. 

Managing Your Mental Health Issues

Many individuals with ASD struggle with self-awareness and don’t fully understand their impact on others. Neurodiverse persons are frequently unaware of what they are feeling or have difficulties controlling their emotional responses. 

As a partner of a neurodiverse person, you may experience your mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, mood swings, or posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). If you experience mental health issues, you should also seek treatment. 

Seeking Professional Help

Another helpful strategy is seeking couple’s counseling for ASD relationships. A skilled counselor specializing in ASD can help you understand the strengths and weaknesses of neurodiversity, encourage healthy communication, and help you as a couple problem-solve around various ASD challenges. Also, specialized behavioral strategies such as negotiation can help meet each other’s unmet needs, raise self-awareness, suspend judgment, and enhance your relationship. 

The autism spectrum involves a social-communication difficulty, so your partner might struggle to understand other people’s non-verbal communication and miss out on a significant part of communication. Therefore, couple’s counseling for ASD relationships can be a safe place to enhance your communication. 

A skilled couple’s counselor can also help you and your partner resolve practical problems such as lack of social skills and organization, parenting struggles, or employment issues. 

Similarly, work with a parenting counselor can be valuable for neurodiverse couples. While neurodiverse persons can correctly perform concrete parenting tasks such as helping kids with homework or playing with them, they may need some assistance in meeting their children’s emotional needs.

A skilled counselor who specializes in AS can also help address your partner’s sensory sensitivity. Neurodiverse individuals typically experience sensory sensitivity, either being hypersensitive or hypersensitive to stimuli. Your partner can also be more vulnerable to transitions and other stress-provoking situations. Counseling can help you develop strategies (such as relaxation, mindfulness, or exercise) to avoid sensory overload and meltdowns.

Helping Your Partner Improve Their Executive Function

Neurodiverse individuals usually struggle with executive function and may find it challenging to prioritize and plan. Your partner might experience difficulties focusing and performing tasks or activities that require organization, attention and focus, memory, time management. He may also struggle in adjusting to transitions between daily activities. These challenges cause your spouse to struggle to meet the demands of home, work, and everyday life, affecting your day-to-day life as a couple.

Creating a plan, schedule, and routine in your relationship can help your husband focus and stay organized. A relationship plan can involve weekly or monthly activities, times for relaxation, intimacy, exercise, me-time, and other aspects of daily life to enhance closeness.

To find out more about our services, click here: marriage and couples counseling.