10 Ways to Be a Better Husband
Ready for some strategies to help improve your game as a husband or boyfriend? If you're like me, you're always looking for ways to improve yourself, whether it's on the job, in sports or in your relationship. I think that there are real things you can do and say to affect the outcome in interactions with your mate. If you're willing to take some of these in the consideration, and make them a habit, you'll see relationship changes happen overnight. Let's begin with 10 ways to be a better husband:
1. Listen more: Men who listen more have an exponentially better success rate at relationships than men who don't. If you can learn to tune your thinking down, and just be present and listen, you're going to communicate to your wife or girlfriend that she matters, and what she has to say matters. Try listening, and not fixing. She doesn't want you to fix it, or else she would ask.
2. Practice being considerate: I know too many guys that slack on this, and their wives are always complaining that they're not doing more. "If they would only know what I go through, or how much I do for him or the family," comment many exasperated wives. Ways that you can be considerate: anticipate some of her needs, and do them proactively. It's one thing to actually do the task, like cleaning or emptying out the dishwasher, but it's a complete other thing to do them proactively without her asking. If she has to ask over and over, and this becomes the relationship dynamic between you both, then she becomes your parent, and you become the child; most marriages become problematic if they turn into a parent-child relationship. If you are proactive, anticipate her needs, and display consideration, you are going to be more successful and be in better graces with your wife or girlfriend overall.
3. Communicate what you want: It's no wonder that women find men who are confident to be more attractive mates, so communicating what you want, in a clear fashion, will develop your communication skills and let her know exactly where you're coming from, so that there are no surprises. If she have to guess, or read your mind, and then you get upset later down the road because your needs are being met, who's fault is that anyways? Be clear about what you need.
4. Deal with your negativity: Life has a way of adding stress and frustration, piling it up over weeks and months, barely noticeable to the casual observer. We certainly have a lot of blind spots when it comes to how we interact with other people. If you are constantly negative, or in a foul mood, you end up pushing other people away from you. It's the emotional equivalent of having bad breath. Your partner will become repelled from your behavior. It's certainly not investing in a quality relationship, the one that you really want - in fact, it's the opposite.Learn to deal with your negativity, manage stress more effectively, and find a friend who you can talk with and share some of your concerns or stress. Find hobbies that will help you with your negativity, or seek out a professional counselor to help you deal with the deep down anger that may be underlying everything. I mean, would you want to be with yourself, if you were negative all the time? I thought not.
5. Express your love more regularly: Women need to know that they feel loved and cared for by their partners, and it's really difficult for most men to communicate this to them. I admit that I could be better about this myself. Most guys have difficulties communicating their emotions, and to communicate their love to their partners is even harder. You can express it in your own ways, but find some ways that feel comfortable to you. It doesn't have to be screaming it from the rooftops, or flying a banner advertisement across the sky, but find little ways are simple ways that work for you, and make that a routine. What works for her? You could try asking her for input. Communicate this to her every so often, so that she knows regularly, because her knowing this will help distill some of the impact of fighting and conflict that may ensue when you get into a war of words together. Express your love to your love more regularly, and it will pay handsome dividends to you.
6. Clean more: Most successful partners or husbands learn to keep a clean and tidy living space. If you're a slob, this gets communicated to her about your sexual attractiveness and overall stature as a partner. If you learn to clean, and do it without her asking you to, this is really big to improve the quality of your relationship. You're taking some a load off of her to keep the house right, to do laundry, etc. You're communicating that you care to her, and don't want her to be overburdened. There's always time to do what you want to do afterwards, but getting into the habit of cleaning, doing laundry, picking up the kids from sports, or attempting to cook all communicate to her that you are an equal partner in the relationship. She'll know you're on the same team together.
7. Validate her more: You've learned to express your love, now you need to express your validation for her. A woman needs to feel validated, like she and her efforts matter. She wants to be known as a loving girlfriend or wife, a great parent, or a successful professional woman. She needs to know that she's good enough to you, and you telling her that she is is going to make a world of difference. She's going to feel competent, successful, and it's going to improve the quality of your relationship. Trust me on this one.
8. Self-improve: This one is for both you and her both. Develop a life outside of the marriage or relationship. Pick friends or hobbies that you and your wife don't do together. As much as it's important to have the quality time within the marriage, it's also important to develop your self outside of the marriage. You don't want to lose the sense of who you are, or were before you started dating or got married, so be sure to develop your own life in injunction with the life you have in the marriage. Constantly try to improve yourself, whether through reading, learning, trying different things, or visiting different places together. Make yourself interesting, and your partner will find you more interesting. Work to prevent the boredom that comes with relationships. If you keep yourself constantly curious and open to learning, it's going to add spice to your relationship for years to come. Then, you can both engage in some of those activities together if you would like to do them together.
9. Be assertive sexually: You may both want to initiate sex, and that's great, but many guys fall into this rut where they don't end up initiating sex with their wife or girlfriend, and then they end up unhappy or feel rejected by your lack of effort. Don't do this. Don't fall into a rut in this department. If there are motivation problems for you in initiating sex with your mate, maybe you need to look into those. If you've lost some sexual desire for your spouse, it's possible that there are underlying issues that you're not attending too. She wants you to be more sexually assertive, and initiate sex with her. She wants to know that you still desire her, and being sexually assertive communicates this. If there are problems, you may want to breach the topic and have an open, honest dialogue with your spouse about the feelings and needs unmet associated with the sexual disconnection.
10. Have fun: Whether it's together doing something, or just spending quality time together, it's important to learn to have fun again in your marriage or relationship. Too often, couples fall into this rut, and relationships become more like roommates or business partners as the years go by.
If you remember how it was to have fun with your spouse when you first met, you can make it a priority to get together and learn to do that again. It doesn't necessarily mean that you need to spend a lot for a vacation or getaway to achieve fun, but simply just carving out the time to be with your spouse to bring back some of the levity or fun would go along way. Try to step out of the roles you have fallen in, whether it's busy professionals, or mom and dad, to re-experience each other in a new way again.I hope you can take one or more of these tips and run with it. Try applying one tonight with your spouse.
Or, set a goal of implementing one per week, and make yourself a "10 week relationship revival program". It won't just make you a better husband: it will make you a better person, both to your spouse, and to yourself, too. If you’re interested in learning more about the Couple and Marriage counseling , or if counseling might be right for you, please feel free to contact me directly or visit our couple counseling page for detail.
