Conflict-Free Vacationing in 5x3 Ways

Is it truly possible? Have you ever experienced it? It's that time of the year now, when couples and families head off to their summer getaways. It's time that should ideally be lower stress, but that never happens that way. There are loads to deal with on vacation: work that never seems to end, endless hassles with airlines (baggage fees, TSA, finding decent food), planning, budgeting and reserving, and mobilizing your family to get to your destination. And then there's the crying children and unhappy spouse. "But I worked so hard to put all this together," you might be telling yourself, in a moment of vacation solitude. Instead of "conflict-free vacationing," maybe we could call this "conflict-reduced vacationing."I've put together some ideas to ensure your vacation is as conflict-"reduced" as possible. I'm going to point out tips in three categories: overall trip experience, issues with spouse, and issues with kids.

Overall Trip Experience:

1. Plan, plan, plan. Don't leave it up to fate. Obviously, spontaneity is a desired thing, but when your got an unhappy wife or husband, and children that are on the verge of breakdown, spontaneity isn't a good thing. Plan your hotel/airfare/transportation/activities before hand, to ensure a smooth sail. Set things up before you get to your destination.

2. Make sure everyone's eaten. Always. Conflicts generate from hunger many times, and when your travelling, there's exhaustion and moving around constantly. Always be prepared with healthy kiddie and adult snacks that won't leave a sugar crash later.

3. Accommodate. Make sure people all get their say about what they want to see or do, or what activities they want to participate in. Make sure everyone's happy, and yourself. Not everyone is going to agree on everything, so make sure everyone's needs are accommodated, if not satisfied.

4. Budget: have a specific - or general - idea of what you're willing to spend on what. Factor in everything: meals, tips, taxis, admission fees, snacks, ATM fees, extra accessories you may need (phone/computer/etc). Try giving your kids a "vacation allowance" for gifts or food they may want special for their trip.5. Have fun, and be present. For many men I know, it's easy to get into vacation mode once we're on vacation. The worrying about everything at home subsides for some, for others, not so much. I know I can tune out my work when I'm away, but I know other guys that are plugged in and wired 24/7 on vacation. Leave work at home as best as you can, or dedicate one hour to answer emails or calls in the morning, as your family is getting ready for the day, and then leave it at home. Be present with the people that love you, and immerse yourself in your vacation fully. Don't worry about the things you can't control, especially on vacation.

Issues with Spouse:

1. Dedicate alone time with your spouse if you can. Try to come up with babysitting or an activity for your kids to do while you and your wife/husband spend an evening out alone together. Make your spouse a priority, and suggest this even before you leave home. The hubbub of the trip, the needs of the kids and the activities may quickly overshadow quality time with your spouse, so plan it before you leave. Make sure you can connect with your mate, and you'll feel happier about your marriage or relationship as a result.

2. Attend to the needs of the family, as well as your own needs. Yes, golf is important, but not everyday on the trip. There may be things he/she needs to do to prep the kids, and needs your help. If you can be of service and helpful, you'll be in their good graces a lot more quickly, ensuring a better trip for yourself. Think of others as well as yourself. It's everybody's vacation.

3. Watch the alcohol. Alcohol, especially if there are already underlying conflicts and resentments you didn't work on prior to the trip, will surface if your drink too much. Alcohol-fueled conflicts are more difficult, because you're bound to be more reactive. If you contain the alcohol, you might get along better, but I would watch the drinking if you know you both get into fights when you're drinking at home.

4. Be tuned into your spouse. If you're a guy, your wife is wanting to connect with you on the trip, and being attentive, complimentary and present are all great ways to tune into your spouse. I know I get caught up in the activities and the experiences, as well as shooting photography, and it's hard to not get swept up in all the things that are making your trip great. But what's different is that she wants personal attention, for you to see her as a person. So, if you can do that, you're ensuring for a better experience together.

5. Communicate and don't make up assumptions. I could write a tome on these two ideas, but I won't. Watching the assumptions you have about your spouse, and either communicating reactively, or not communicating at all, are surefire ways to steer yourselves right into conflict.

Issues with Kids:

1. Don't take your anger out on your kids: if you're having a problem with a service provider, or with your spouse, don't take it out on them. It's not worth it, and you'll upset them and your spouse as a result. Contain it, and deal with it in a way where you can calm yourself down. Treat them kindly. I speak more directly to the men out there.

2. Make special time with each of your kids to bond with them. Maybe it's difficult to do while your caught up in the business of life back home, but your kids really need you and your attention. Can you take your kids alone somewhere, just you and them, while your wife or husband has some alone time? Can you carve out specific time to connect with your kids? It'll certainly make them happy, and communicate to them that you believe they're special. Teach them something about the place you're visiting. Share with them things you've learned about the place you're seeing. Use museums and aquariums as educational tools, as well as ways to connect with them. Inspire them with learning.

3. Again, make sure they're fed and watered, and sometimes distracted. Snacks and drinks always at hand at least minimize some of the whining and breakdowns, so use them to your advantage. Use iPads and iPhones to your advantage, but not too much so that they're wired in for the duration of your trip. Save yourself some unneeded headaches.

4. Communicate with them the plans and expectations. Let them know when you'll be doing things, but allow for their input, too. Let them know when you and your spouse will be having alone time, and make that known. Talk with them about what happens when their behavior goes bad, and what will happen as a result, as a natural and logical consequence of their behavior. Have them help create the consequence for themselves, so they know what happens if they act poorly. Talk about money if it's an issue on the trip, like how much they can spend or what things they can buy. Not only are you teaching them effective communication skills, but you're ensuring everyone's good time.

5. Build great memories: these are the days you'll remember as a family. Try different things. Do fun water sports. Try a different type of cuisine. Get out of your comfort zone. Your kids will appreciate it. Do things that you and your family can remember together that are fun and unique for everyone.Conflicts are inevitable on vacation, but considering these 15 ideas, you may be able to minimize those greatly.

There's nothing you can do about lost bags or surly hotel staff or closed venues, but you can stay in control of yourself and ensure a good time for all. Happy vacationing! If you’re interested in learning more about the Couple and Marriage counseling , or if counseling might be right for you, please feel free to contact me directly or visit our couple counseling page for detail.