Some Nuts and Bolts of Creating Your Ideal Relationship

Two weeks ago, I spoke to a good group of people - the Phoenix Rotaract Society. They were kind enough to have me speak to their group on the basics of creating a great relationship.I talked about the "nuts and bolts" - what to do, and what to avoid, with your partner to go after that ideal relationship, which is totally within reach.The Rotaract members had some great feedback and contributions, and we ended up having a nice little discussion. I want to share with you the prime cut of the convo: Why is it hard to have good relationship today?- Communication problems- Anger at partner/Fighting all the time/Hurt feelings- Needs aren’t being met in relationship- Trust issues- See parents’ bad relationship, and don’t want it for yourself- Can’t talk closely with partner- Not sure if he or she is the one for you/different interests- Same problem, different relationship partners- Work, money and general stress- Commitment-phobic/Fear of marriage What doesn’t work?Stuffing your anger, or exploding in it; also, not talking to one another Not creating regular time together to talk, have fun, laugh Not dealing immediately with the problems that will inevitably come up between you both Not talking to your partner about them/not being on the same page Not working on your relationship Criticizing and judging your partner; blaming and shaming What does work to create a good relationship?- Good communication: Stating your needs and feelings in your relationship- Having a life outside of the relationship, as well as in it (independent time)- Meaningful time together/creating a good relationship- Developing trust- Validating, not criticizing, each other- Listening well/showing empathy- Appreciating your differences- Learning about and meeting other’s needs, as well as your own If you’re interested in learning more about the Marriage and couples counseling , or if counseling might be right for you, please feel free to contact me directly or visit our marriage couples counseling.