Men and Anger: Why is It So Difficult to Be Vulnerable?

Everyday experience and scientific studies show that women and men are equally prone to aggressive behavior. But it seems that anger and provocation make men more aggressive and violent.

According to research, male genetics cannot be the primary predictor of aggressive behavior. But since men aren't born angry, does their anger have something to do with how society raises them?

How Are Masculinity Stereotypes Linked to Anger?

Masculinity norms make men repress their feelings. For example, when unhappy, upset, or embarrassed, many men suppress their emotions and turn to anger as a more "masculine" way of expressing themselves.

But why do males express their anger first, or do they show their rage and not vulnerable emotions?

Anger typically occurs as a secondary emotion, meaning there is usually another feeling like hurt, shame, or sadness underneath it. Most of the time, these negative emotions are more difficult to feel than anger.

For example, many people find it easier to be furious than to feel humiliated. So, when we feel vulnerable, we often get angry as a way to protect ourselves.

You can, for instance, get angry to hide the vulnerability and turn it into a sense of control. But this can be a dangerous habit, as some people get used to turning all their hurt feelings into anger, so they don't have to deal with them.

Nevertheless, being angry can't make your bad feelings go away. In the same way, anger won't fix the problems that made you feel bad in the first place. Deep down, you will still feel sad, self-conscious, jealous, or ashamed, even if you are hopping mad.

But being angry never helps anything in your life, whether it be your health, the quality of your relationships, your education, or the level of your professional achievement.

Anger and Vulnerability: Breaking the Stigma

Research shows that men are more likely than women to act violently and aggressively when they are having mental health problems. Women, on the other hand, are more likely to show signs of anxiety and depression.

But new research shows that men are just as likely as women to have mental health problems and experience anxiety and depression.

Yet, men are less likely than women to confide their feelings to family and close friends or to seek help from a professional. So, most men who have depression aren't identified, diagnosed, or treated for it.

It is no secret that traditional gender norms and stereotypes still exist even today. Men's mental health and behavior may suffer due to macho stereotypes persisting.

Modern men were taught that in order to be a "real man," they had to meet specific standards. However, fear of not living up to masculine expectations of an easygoing, strong, bold, and aggressive man who can turn things around seems to be costing men their vulnerability.

How to Be Vulnerable in Your Relationship

If you don't feel at ease sharing intimate parts of yourself, this can make your partner annoyed, upset, and unhappy. They may become emotional and reactive, or they may get resentful, retreat, and stonewall you. Either way, your relationship suffers.

How Can Vulnerability Benefit Your Relationship?

Vulnerability is key to a relationship's success. Transparency helps us be authentic, allowing us to form meaningful connections. When your spouse reacts to your self-disclosure with empathy and compassion, it may be an excellent tool for building connection and trust.

But how do you look into yourself and share what's there with your significant other?

Try Mindfulness

Mindfulness meditation has been proven to help relieve stress, anxiety, and anger by letting you be in the moment and observe your negative feelings and thoughts without reacting to them. In addition, studies have shown that focusing on the present moment without judging it can help you calm down and get better at keeping your emotions in check.

Write Your Feelings Down

Try keeping a journal to deal with your anger. Research shows that writing about how you feel can be therapeutic because it helps break down mental barriers and lets you express your feelings without judging yourself. In addition, journaling can help you control and lessen negative emotions, which makes you more likely to look for constructive and creative solutions to your problems instead of getting angry to cover up painful feelings.

Consider Counseling

Counseling for individuals or couples can be a safe place to work through your feelings and learn to trust each other. It can help you openly discuss your deepest thoughts and feelings without being judged.

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