Sex Addiction: Do I Have One?

When we think of addiction, we usually think about drugs and alcohol. However, there are also behavioral addictions that can be harder to spot and are not as easy to identify. One of the behavioral addictions, where there is a compulsive behavior, is sex addiction.

Sex is a natural human behavior, and there is no single guideline governing the normalcy of sexual desire. There is no concrete way in which a person should experience desire or fulfill their urges, as some people have a higher libido than others, and that is normal. However, when we talk about addiction, we will necessarily be talking about a few key aspects: harm, risk, distress, inability to stop, and secrecy or lying.

What Is Sex Addiction?

Essentially, sex addiction refers to compulsive sexual thoughts and behaviors that interfere with the person’s daily life and relationships. The person cannot stop thinking or acting in certain ways, even though they would like to. They might not be enjoying the sexual behaviors but instead feel ashamed or distressed by them, and still not quite manage to put a stop to them.

How Might I Know Whether I Have a Sex Addiction or Not?

What behaviors are characteristic of sex addiction?  The person might experience sexual thoughts and fantasies that interfere with their daily life. The thoughts may be obsessive - recurrent, intense, and difficult to stop. They would also be very frequent and intrusive. The thoughts about sex and the preoccupation with sex are constant and prevent the person from fully engaging with their work, family time, or normal activities. The person would also have behaviors related to sex addiction. These can involve compulsive masturbation or relations with multiple partners or both. In the case of sex addiction, the person might engage in sexual behaviors that are risky, for example, having relations with strangers or cheating even when they would prefer not to. There is an inability to stop or control the behaviors, and the individual feels guilty and remorseful. Even if the person realizes the negative consequences or risks of their actions, they still find themselves compelled to do it.

The next characteristic of sex addiction is the tendency to lie about it or cover the sexual behaviors. While sex is a taboo area for many, here the person might feel the need to cover up how much they think about sex and how much they engage in these behaviors. There is a lot of shame, remorse, and guilt involved.

Not everyone who cheats in a relationship or who has multiple partners has sex addiction. Within the context of a relationship, something like this can, of course, provide a convenient excuse. However, it is also true that some people who cheat might have sex addiction. 

What’s Addiction, and What’s Not

Where lies the difference? People with sex addiction will be genuinely distress, remorseful, and guilty about their behaviors and want them to stop, even if stopping them is difficult. They might feel ashamed about the behaviors and more willing to get help. It is also likely that sex addiction will start interfering with different aspects of the individual’s life, that is, not just their relationships, but also their work and daily functioning, it would not only appear in the context of cheating or having a sexual relationship once or several times. However, it is true that it is not always easy to tell the difference.

Sexuality is a difficult topic in most societies and is linked to a variety of taboos and ideas. Simply enjoying or wanting sexual relationships is not a sign of sex addiction. Levels of interest in sex can vary a lot, and a high libido can just as normal as a lower one. To understand the idea of sex addiction, we might consider issues like distress, harm and risk, compulsion, frequency, and intensity. Most people, even those with a very high libido, can find ways of getting through the day and focusing their attention on what they need. They might feel interest in sex, but still be able to hold back from relations with a stranger or sexual behaviors where it puts them at risk. 

Not every sexual issue points at sex addiction. Sometimes, people might make poor choices, certainly, and sex addiction would appear as a persistent, regular pattern of behavior that harms the person and does not only manifest as an excuse. A person who experiences sex addiction might worry about seeking help due to stigma, but they will show willingness to address the issue, because they are the ones who are impacted by this the most.

Due to the general attitudes towards sex in our society, sex addiction can bring an extra layer of shame, however, when we talk about addiction, the behaviors and thoughts do get out of the person’s control. It’s a problem that can require help and support. 

Treating Sexual Addiction

What can be done to treat sex addiction? There are different options. The first-line treatment is often cognitive-behavioral therapy that focuses on changing and reducing unwanted thoughts and behaviors. This can be a good option, as it works with compulsive behaviors in general and can provide a strong support for sex addiction. There are also AA-style support groups that can take place online or in-person that allow people to share their experiences and discuss the issues in a safe context. Some people find also that antidepressants help with the urges. It’s important to seek treatment from professionals.

Sex addiction remains a controversial diagnosis among practitioners and it has not been fully integrated into diagnostic manuals. However, it is a problem many people deal with and that does have support available. The shame and stigma are very real, but seeking out professional help also means a guarantee of confidentiality, as mental health professionals will not judge and will not reveal the information. Dealing with sex addiction is not easy, but it is possible. Professional support can make a big difference and help the person live a happier, better life.

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