Men and Vulnerability: Why Is It So Hard?
Many people find it difficult to open up and be vulnerable around others. It appears that our natural childhood openness sets the stage for insecurity and suspicion as we grow older.
People let us down and hurt us along the way, teaching us that the world can be a frightening place. So, we learn to shut down and bottle up our emotions to protect ourselves and avoid disclosing personal or sensitive information to others. And things become even more difficult if you are a man.
The Benefits of Vulnerability
Vulnerability in relationships can help us connect deeply with others. Only by opening up and sharing the most intimate details about ourselves can we truly connect with another human being.
By sharing our feelings, thoughts, and experiences, we learn about each other, build trust, and feel genuinely seen and understood.
As a result, vulnerability can be a source of courage and strength. To be healthy and strong, you must be vulnerable with those you love and trust. Vulnerability strengthens bonds, improves mood and mental health, and provides a sense of security in relationships. In addition, vulnerability lets us know that we're not alone, which helps us avoid feeling lonely and isolated.
According to research, the more vulnerable and open we are, the less negative emotions we feel, and the more resilient we are. This allows us to recover from adversity more quickly.
However, vulnerability comes with some risks, such as the fear of being exposed, embarrassed, rejected, or hurt due to another person's reaction. This fear may be one of the reasons why many of us find being vulnerable so hard.
Why Do Men Struggle with Being Vulnerable?
Due to masculinity norms and stereotypes, men may find it challenging to be vulnerable.
As we grow, our families, schools, peer groups, communities, and society in general, shape us through various socialization processes. As a result, beliefs and points of view inherited through socialization tend to stick with us long after entering adulthood, sometimes even for the rest of our lives.
Most cultures teach boys that being vulnerable means being weak and helpless from an early age. Men are limited to a few "acceptable" emotions, such as happiness and anger. At the same time, feelings of sadness, grief, or fear may be suppressed deep down.
Western cultures emphasize masculinity, encouraging men to be self-sufficient and tough. A man is traditionally expected to be brave, maintain control, and avoid self-disclosure and vulnerability.
It can have long-term effects on a man's relationships, mental health, and self-esteem if he grows up believing that these things are true.
For example, the stigma associated with male vulnerability may discourage you from assessing your inner world and dealing with emotional distress or mental health issues. Furthermore, such a mindset can lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms such as self-medication or risk-taking behaviors.
Self-Disclosure and Vulnerability
Vulnerability in relationships is often associated with mutual self-disclosure or the willingness to reveal personal or innermost information about ourselves to others. This information can include our feelings, thoughts, failures, mistakes, successes, fears, expectations, among other things.
Self-disclosure and vulnerability show others that we are authentic. As such, they can help us build meaningful and strong relationships. When another person responds to our self-disclosure with understanding, empathy, and acceptance, it can be a powerful tool to build connection and trust.
However, self-disclosure is only one aspect of openness in relationships. Vulnerability can also manifest itself through our ability to:
Set boundaries
Say "no" without further explanations
Apologize without making excuses
Assertively express your needs
Rely on others
Ask for help
Step out of your comfort zone
Believe in yourself
Self-Disclosure on Social Media
Some people think they're vulnerable and open because they're willing to disclose their lives on social media.
Social media encourages users to share personal information with their posts and individual profiles in order to present themselves, get approval, and build and keep relationships.
However, self-disclosure on social media usually has little to do with genuine authenticity and vulnerability. Because we are constantly pressured to fit in, many of us filter the information we post about ourselves.
Sharing personal information on social networking sites (SNSs), whether one's thoughts and feelings or everyday details, is filtered to gain a sense of worth, recognition, and satisfaction.
Trying to get approval from other people to feel good about yourself and fulfilled can become a way of life, harming your self-esteem, mood, and relationships.
Self-disclosure on social media is not authentic. As a result, it can make it difficult to feel happy and satisfied with your life. In real relationships with people you care about, you can only be truly vulnerable.
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