Depression does not only affect the person who has it but also those around them. As a spouse, you will see changes in the way your partner acts, how he talks, how much energy he has, and your relationship overall. Supporting someone with depression is a challenge, and there are certain specifics in the way men tend to experience this disorder.

Learn About Depression

The first step is learning a bit more about depression. We can have a lot of mistaken ideas about what depression is, how it manifests, and how it should be treated, so it’s important to look for reliable sources, for example, by the WHO, the APA, and other trustworthy organizations. You might feel more prepared if you learn more about the potential signs of danger and a severe depression and, especially, suicide.

In men, depression can often manifest in less obvious ways. They don’t always show sadness or apathy. Instead, they might become irritable and prone to anger. There is a lot of stigma in society for men to express their sadness or accept that they have depression, and it might be a source of shame for your partner as well. Learning more can help you and him better understand what’s going on and how to cope with it.

Create a Supportive Environment

When we are depressed, our perception of the world around us is mostly negative and we are especially vulnerable to stress. Because of this, it’s important that we spend most of our time in a supportive environment. What does this mean? This means an environment where the person is not criticized or demeaned, where they can ask for help and receive it, and where you often show them your affection and care.

Support the Decision To Seek Treatment

Men are significantly less likely than women to seek professional help for depression due to stigma. As a spouse, you can suggest and support this alternative. Seeking treatment can help the person overcome their depression more effectively and improve their quality of life.

Listen and Show That You’re Present

Your emotional support is very valuable. Listen to the person’s ideas and feelings and show that you can hear them without judgment, even if some of their beliefs and thoughts seem strange to you. Your presence and encouragement to speak can make a big difference. Tell your husband that you are there for him, that you are willing to listen.

Take Care of Yourself

Supporting someone else takes a toll. You also need to remember to care for your own physical and emotional needs. You might need to take on a bit more responsibility as your partner gets better but this doesn’t mean you have to carry everything by yourself. Cut yourself some slack and take some time to rest and recover, to do things for yourself. It will help you both on the long run. It’s also important to set boundaries. While your partner might be more irritable or less available than he usually is, you might not accept or tolerate some behaviors, such as yelling. You have the right to set your boundaries too and protect your own well-being.

Give It Time

There are certain ideas that men should be strong, so we are less willing to tolerate and accept their vulnerability. It can be frustrating to see that time passes but the person still feels bad. However, it’s important to be patient. Depression is not going to be a part of your lives forever, but it might be a recurring visitor.

Know Your Limits

Even if you are the most supportive partner in the world, you still have limits. There are many things outside of your control. For example, you can’t force an adult to go to the doctor or to take medication if they choose not to do it. You can only decide what you want to do and how you want to act. Accept that you cannot fix your partner, you can only support them. This can take off a lot of pressure and help you align your expectations.

Having a depressed spouse has its challenges, and it can put both of you to the test. Consider everything you can do to support him and to help him get better, while letting go of those things that are beyond your control. If you’re interested in knowing more about the effects of male depression, or if therapy could be right for you, please feel free to contact me or visit my counseling for women page.

How To Support Your Depressed Husband