To say that the pandemic has been disruptive to most people would be putting it lightly. Many have found their routines totally changed and a lot of new responsibilities. A particular situation that many parents are dealing with is that the kids no longer go to school but rather have to learn online. This puts more pressure on the parents to manage their children’s learning, ensure everything gets done, and also cope with their work and household chores that have not disappeared. 

This is likely to have different effects. First, it creates a greater deal of stress, especially as many coping strategies, like going out with friends or taking a walk, are still limited within the pandemic. It can lead to more conflict within the home and especially strain a marriage, as people are finding themselves spending too much time together and lacking personal space. Additional pressures, like having to take responsibility and engage, educate, and entertain the kids at home, can also limit the quality of the time two partners can spend together. A lot of this is dedicated to managing children and coping with the new situation. So, what can be done? How to deal with all of this without losing one’s mind?

Personal time is essential 

While it may sound difficult, making personal time and finding a bit of space is essential. Even 15 minutes per day in solitude can be beneficial. Take time out of your day to do the things you enjoy, that matter to you, and that you can do on your own, and set boundaries with the family to respect this time. It might be useful to have a conversation and make an agreement with other people in the house for these personal spaces, how they will be signified (e.g., a do-not-disturb sign), and how important they are.

Focus on what truly matters 

When your to-do list is miles long, it’s time to cut some things out. This is a stressful time, and making the decision to focus on the essentials can be incredibly useful. Decide for yourself how much time you can give to your child’s online learning (during the pandemic), whether there are some subjects that matter more, and whether there are things you can stop doing entirely or cut down on. It can make a parent feel guilty but ask yourself what’s the most important thing for the well-being of your family doing this situation and focus on that. 

Lower the bar 

This is not the time for high standards, perfectionism, and high grades.  Mental health is the priority. Maybe this means that your child’s grades will fall a bit, that is normal. Accept the idea that achieving things as you normally do is difficult and straining because this is not a normal situation. It’s OK to take it easy during these times of stress and uncertainty.

Look for help 

Managing online learning in addition to everything you do can be difficult. Consider what options there are. You might look at resources that can do some of the work for you, for example, additional free lessons. Ask for help of people who are in a position to do so. For example, maybe there are other parents in the same position who can take turns and supervise the kids as they do their homework via a video conference? There is a lot of pressure to be a perfect, have-it-all-together parent but one of our greatest sources of strength is community. Even if this community is currently online, still there may be ways for you to find help and offer support if applicable.

Make quality couple time 

It’s important during this situation to face it together as a couple. Find opportunities for being together with your partner and sharing positive things, not just instructions or worries. Try to have positive interactions and talk to each other, spend time alone (as much as possible), and talk things through. Everyone is stressed right now, so it’s important not to lose sight of the beautiful things within your relationship.

These are not normal times. We can’t carry on as usual, and it’s important to take measures to care for ourselves. Grades are not a priority right now, rather, it’s  mental health, so try to take it easy, reduce the burden you carry, and set clear priorities (and then follow these).

If you’re interested in knowing more about the effects of COVID on stress, or if better stress management could be right for you, please feel free to contact me or visit my marriage counseling page.