Dealing with Complicated Grief After a Divorce
Going through a divorce is hard. It’s the end of a partnership and the future you had imagined. When things don’t go as planned, it can leave you feeling lost and unsure of where to turn next. It’s important to recognize that the grief you feel may not always look the same as other types of grief, and sometimes it can become complicated.
Understanding Complicated Grief
When grief lingers and doesn’t seem to get any easier, it can turn into what’s called complicated grief. After a divorce, this can show up as feeling stuck in your emotions or unable to find a sense of closure. It might look like constant rumination on the past, an inability to move forward, or a feeling that life will never be as good as it once was. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.
The Emotional Rollercoaster
After a divorce, it’s normal to feel a wide range of emotions. One day, you might feel like you’re handling things, and the next, you feel overwhelmed. This emotional rollercoaster can happen because of the many things that change during a divorce: the loss of shared routines, future plans, and even mutual friends. Try to remind yourself that it’s okay to feel all these emotions. You don’t have to hide your feelings or suppress them to move on.
Common Signs of Complicated Grief After Divorce
When grief becomes complicated, it can show up in different ways. These are some signs that your grief might be more complicated than usual:
Fixating on the past: If you find yourself constantly thinking about your ex-partner, re-living the details of the relationship, or replaying arguments, this can indicate that you’re stuck in the past.
Avoiding new experiences: A fear of moving forward can sometimes come with complicated grief. You might avoid dating, making new friendships, or even enjoying activities you once loved.
Difficulty trusting others: After a divorce, especially if it was caused by betrayal, trust issues can become more pronounced. This may cause you to pull away from potential relationships or feel distrustful of people who have nothing to do with your ex.
Coping Strategies for Complicated Grief
While everyone’s grief is unique, there are some steps that can help you move through complicated grief after a divorce:
Grieve at your own pace. There’s no “right” timeline for getting over a divorce. Don’t compare your healing to others. Your journey is your own, and it’s okay if it takes time.
Talk about your feelings. Bottling things up doesn’t help. Whether it’s a friend, family member, or therapist, talking about your feelings can help release some of the pressure. Therapy, in particular, can help you work through complicated grief and understand how to process your emotions more effectively.
Focus on self-care. After a divorce, it’s easy to neglect your own needs. Make sure to prioritize things that help you feel good. Whether it’s exercising, eating healthy, or simply resting, taking care of yourself can provide emotional relief and help you feel more grounded.
Challenge negative thoughts. It’s easy to fall into patterns of self-blame or hopelessness. When you notice these thoughts, try to challenge them. Remind yourself that your worth is not defined by your marriage or the end of it.
Consider a support group. If you feel isolated in your grief, joining a support group for divorcees might help. Talking to others who understand exactly what you’re going through can make a huge difference.
When to Seek Professional Help
If your grief feels overwhelming, or you’re unable to function in your day-to-day life, it might be time to seek professional help. A divorce therapist can offer you guidance on how to process complicated grief and find ways to move forward. I'd be happy to walk with you through this life transition, so visit my contact page for more information on scheduling an appointment.
