A Woman's Guide to Understanding Your Partner

Men are just as complex as women are. But, at our core, men and women are not as different as it seems. We want to find love and to be valued and desired. We want to have fun, to have sex, to have kids. We yearn to be accepted and understood. 

Yet, there are also some differences between men and women. A misunderstanding of these differences can be found at the root of many relationship issues. You and your husband may have been married for years, so you feel like you know pretty much everything about him. But then your significant other does things that leave your speechless and totally puzzled. 

You may feel like your partner is shutting down, ignoring your emotional bids for connection, or having commitment issues. You don’t know how to communicate with him anymore or you feel like he doesn’t love you anymore. It feels like you are trapped in a roommate’s marriage with someone you don’t share passion and intimacy anymore. You don’t understand him at all and you feel as though you two are losing the bond.

Don’t try to change your guy, though. This simply is not going to happen. Try to understand how his brain works instead. To keep your relationship healthy, you need to figure out these totally-guy behaviors. Understanding your partner will help you better comprehend how to deal with him in certain situations, communicate better, and improve your relationship or marital relations. 

So, here are a few tips to better understand how your guy works.

Guys Fear Failure

We all strive for perfection and try to get the best from every single aspect of our lives. Maybe it’s his fear of failure that is causing your relationship anxiety. This is actually one of the most common reasons why people become afraid of commitment. We are sensitive to failures –especially men. Your guy might be afraid of not being good enough as a partner or parent, which makes him fear commitment and responsibility. 

Men Want to Be Cared for Too

It is not just women who want to be babied. Men need cuddles and want to be taken care of too. So, don’t be afraid to indulge in your man’s mushy side. Choose little gestures to pamper him. Ask your spouse about his day, throw a pillow playfully at him, or offer him a massage after a crappy day at work. Your guy will appreciate you being there for him and showing affection in little ways that allow him to take better care of himself.

Guys Don’t Understand the Girl’s Talk Code

Most problems in relationships basically boil down to communication and the fact that men and women are not on the same page when it comes to verbal expression. Your man probably doesn’t get that “I’m fine” actually often means the total opposite. Guys have difficulties cracking the girl’s talk code as they are pretty straightforward about what they want or feel. 

So, your boyfriend or husband probably doesn’t understand that you aren’t being straightforward when you say, “I am fine, it’s okay.” 

You might feel like he never listens to you, but it may be that you are not communicating your feelings the right way for him to understand. If you want to let your man how you feel, make sure to speak to him honestly.  

Guys Struggle with Low Self-Esteem Too

It’s not only girls who brag about their weight, hair, and so on. Guys struggle with body-image issues and low self-esteem too. Inside, every single man is an insecure boy. Masculinity norms teach men how to behave from the earliest age. The widespread stereotypes about masculinity such as that men have to be tough and bottle it up can diminish a man’s self-esteem and cause different mental health concerns. 

Men Aren’t as Comfortable Navigating Emotions

The same masculinity norms encourage guys to be easy-going, brave, and not talk about their emotions, which may cause your man to become emotionally inhibited and withdrawn. It’s the simple fact that women know how to handle emotions much better than men. Your honesty (not to mention emotional outbursts) will completely freak him out and he will not know what to do with all those emotions. 

The best way to find happiness in love is to turn to your relationship and do your best to improve it. Don’t be afraid to talk to your partner. Be honest about your feelings (even if this is freaking him out), and ask him about his feelings and expectations. Give your partner some space, however, and be supportive.

Set the boundaries, have separate hobbies and activities and respect each other’s time and space. Ensure you are going in the same direction and keep in mind that you cannot fix your guy. What you can do is be loving and supportive, and encourage his growth.

If you still struggle to reconnect and get your marriage back on track, seek couples therapy. Marriage therapy may be a safe place to discuss your issues, learn helpful communication tools, get to know one another better, and start rekindling connection.

To find out more about our services, click here: counseling for women.