For most people, day-to-day life is loaded with challenges in the form of family and relationship issues, health concerns, difficulties at school and work, and financial struggles. Both research and clinical practice show that and men and women handle stress in different ways. Men seem less inclined to seek psychotherapy and tend to suppress their emotional struggles instead. 

Simultaneously, men appear to suffer from complications closely related to depression, like aggressive and self-harming behaviors more than women. Research also shows that the suicide rates in men are on the rise globally. 

One of the main reasons why men are less inclined to seek therapy than women lies in the widespread male stereotypes that men should be easy-going, tough, and similar. The masculinity norms and fear from the stigma attached to mental illness may cause men to seek alternative ways of coping with mental health concerns. 

Feelings Hiding Behind Anger

Anger is an intense feeling of frustration, discontent, and hostility when we experience pain, either physical or emotional. Anger typically arouses as a response to other emotions, such as shame, guilt, or hurt.

Men often use anger to mask vulnerability. People, and men particularly, get angry to cover the painful feelings of helplessness or worthlessness and convert them into feelings of power and control. Over time, some people develop a habit of transforming hurtful emotions into anger and self-harming behaviors to avoid dealing with them.

Many times, our coping skills are overpowered by the intensity of emotions. Or we lack the skills and strategies to manage stress.

Sometimes people hurt themselves to express strong feelings of rejection, anger, sorrow, desperation, or desire. Injuring yourself on purpose or engaging in self-harming behaviors can damage your physical and psychological health, relationships, and overall well-being.

Women Are Taught Not to Express Anger

Women in different cultures are taught from early childhood that they must not express anger, so they learn to internalize rage and bottle it up. Studies show that women who express anger tend to be seen as problematic and insensitive. So, they often suppress outrage or turn it inward, reaching for self-harming behaviors. 

What are Self-Harming Behaviors?

Self-harm, also known as self-injury, occurs when a person intentionally and repeatedly harms themselves. The most common self-harming behaviors involve skin cutting, head hitting or banging, burning, excessive body piercing or tattooing, hair-pulling, hitting, and bone-breaking. Most people who engage in self-harming behaviors attempt to hide their behavior. 

What You, As a Wife, Should Do If Your Husband is Self-Harming?

When someone you love is self-injuring, it is a hurting and frightening experience. You might not understand why your loving partner is harming themselves and wonder whether their self-harm is at least partly your fault.

While you don’t have the power to stop your partner’s pain, you can be loving and supportive and help them heal. 

Stay Calm and Don’t Judge

No matter how shocked or worried you might be, try not to show that to your spouse. And definitely don’t judge them. Stay calm and positive. Let your partner feel that they can trust you and create opportunities for them to talk to you. 

Encourage Them to Seek Psychotherapy

Encourage your partner to talk to their GP or PCP about their struggles and to start psychotherapy. Together with the psychotherapist, work out the best way to approach your husband and get them into treatment as soon as possible without losing their trust.

Encourage Positive Experiences

Little things make a big difference. Ask your partner whether he will like you to organize family picnics or backyard parties for friends and family. Support your partner to engage in physical activity because exercise promotes mental health and well-being.

Encourage your partner to practice mindfulness and get in touch with his emotions. Help him by offering a listening ear and letting him know that you’re always there for him. Encourage your man to express their feelings through journaling, playing a musical instrument, or any other creative expression form. Encourage them to spend quality time in nature and to catch-up with their friends.

Spend Time with Your Partner

Spend time with your partner doing things together that you both enjoy, talking, or just relaxing. When you feel that your partner needs some time alone, give them some space and time on their own. Always remember to respect your partner’s privacy but let them know that you will be there for them if they need you.

Make Them Feel Loved and Accepted

Let your spouse know that you’ll always be there for him. Never miss showing your partner that you love and accept him no matter what he goes through.

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