There are some things that are meant to be avoided in life: traffic jams, flight delays, credit card fees and death. Some people may even add taxes to that list. But, men that avoid their problems in life find that they come back to haunt them, sometimes in a big way.Some guys that I talk with avoid their problems - and the consequences that come - at all costs. They’ll do anything to avoid, distract, not deal, think about other things or generally try to forget about the problems that life inevitably distributes. Whether that includes problems with work, money, sex, relationships, or taking care of themselves, avoiding your problems leads to even bigger ones down the road.It’s the same as car maintenance:

if you hear an abnormal sound,  or instinctively know something’s wrong, and you  choose to neglect it, it can be a lot more expensive as time goes on. The same thing with avoiding our problems.You see, life’s problems have a way of staying dormant only so long. They’ll inevitably creep back up, whether we like it or not. The resulting symptoms manifest as constant money woes, having the same types of conflicts with your relationship partner over and over again, choosing the same type of partners in different relationships, or suffering from the same types of health problems.

Are you guilty of avoiding your problems? Is the reality of your particular situation to difficult to look at? sometimes, when a problem is been avoided for so long, it becomes increasingly more difficult to look at and deal with, because it’s festered and grown worse. The more it grows, the more we want to avoid it, and the cycle continues.How do you break out of the cycle, then, and start dealing with the issues you’re confronted with?

1. Breakout of the avoidance trap, and admit you got a problem.

2. Lay all of your cards out on the table, and take a look at what resources you’ll need to help yourself.

   1. Do you need more time? Money? Better communication skills? More discipline?

3. Ask for help: there have been other people in your situation before, and they’re willing to help you. Ask for help from the people that care, or pay to get the help that you need from a professional.

4. Set goals and chunk it out: do a little bit at a time. Attended a problem bit by bit, and make it a habit to constantly attend to it.

5. Try to take a look at “how” you’re avoiding your problem: is it fear? is it rejection? is it shame?

6. Pat yourself on the back, instead of shaming yourself, for dealing head-on with your problem. It’s been habit- forming for you to avoid your problem, so praise yourself for having the courage to start to attend to what you avoided.

Take it one step at a time when you are starting to open up a problem that you have attended to. It’ll take some time to reorient to the problem, without avoiding it or not looking at it. Take it easy on yourself, and take it slow, and you’ll have started to retrain yourself to deal with problems or tasks as they come up. If you’re interested in learning more about the Men’s counseling , or if counseling might be right for you, please feel free to contact me directly or visit our Men’s counseling page for detail.