(From the Jewish News of Phoenix, May 15th, 2009 edition)

To: Jewish mothers on Mother’s Day

From: Jason Fierstein, Jewish son and former dater

Re: Invitation to let your sons date who they want to date
CC: Frustrated and (still) single Jewish “Meinsteins”

On a Jewish humor Web site, I stumbled upon the concept of a “Meinstein,” which would translate to mean “my son, the genius.” It reminded me of how Jewish mothers, like my own, think the world of their sons. They all genuinely believe in the “Meinstein” quality of their sons, which is awesome. They are devoted to the care and success of their sons to the end of time, and it is so appreciated, as a Jewish son. So on this Mother’s Day, we honor you and are proud to be your Meinstein. But we want some space, please.

I’m keenly aware of the fine line between adoration and suffocation that marks the sometimes unhealthy relationship boundary between a Jewish mother and her son. Long before the concept of “helicopter” parenting, Jewish Mother Syndrome (JMS) was silently crippling hundreds of thousands of desperate Jewish men around the world. My point here is that there is a difference between normal maternal concern and being codependent in a Jewish son’s life, especially in the sacred areas of love and romance.

There are few other realms of a guy’s life more sacred (and thus susceptible to codependency) than dating. The world of women is already so difficult on its own, that we kindly (and lovingly) ask that you refrain from engaging in the following behaviors:

1. Setting us up on dates with women that you have hand-picked from the chavurah (or any other place).
2. Giving aforementioned women our cell-phone numbers without verbal or written consent from us.
3. Calling aforementioned women on the phone to get information from them, such as educational status, relationship history, temple affiliation or the like.
4. Setting up double dates with us (your sons), the aforementioned women, and you and Dad (not cool).
5. Googling or Facebooking the girls we tell you about; we don’t want to start fabricating their names so you won’t do this. They don’t want to be your Facebook friend, trust me.

What we do ask of you, in this Mother’s Day memorandum, are these things instead:

1. Acceptance of who we date, no matter how bad the date or whether you like that person. Let us figure that out on our own, please.
2. Not sharing your disapproval with us without invitation. And no disapproving or overly inquisitive e-mails, texts or Tweets either.
3. Trust that we are grown men capable of picking out dates in a respectable and thoughtful manner. We might even pick someone you approve of.

In conclusion, this Mother’s Day memorandum is to ensure the continued functionality of our family organization. We love you, Jewish moms, and we just need to know you’re there for us - but not there too much. Happy Mother’s Day, and know that your little Meinstein will pick a Mrs. Meinstein sooner or later all on his own.

Jason Fierstein, M.A., LPC, is a counselor for Jewish men and couples. He practices in Phoenix, working with men who want to make their wives and girlfriends happier, and simply be happier themselves, as well as those about to find love. Call 602-309-0568, or visit phoenixmenscounseling.com.