It’s Valentine’s Day. What’s a single guy to do?

When I was single, the holiday reminded me of that experience I had in second grade, where kids would walk around from desk to desk and stuff those small cartoon valentines in all those highly decorative Valentine’s mailboxes. Looking back, I now understand that kids would just write “To: Jason” in the blank field underneath Wonder Woman or Aquaman, wishing me a very generic “Happy Valentine’s Day.” In hindsight, I now recognize that experience as an anonymous one, in spite of the box stuffings. I don’t want you to have to succumb to the same experience of anonymity this year, so here are some ideas to help get you through Valentine’s Day as a single guy.

First, don’t buy into groupthink. Groupthink holds that everyone else is doing it, so why shouldn’t I? And if everyone has a partner, then I should, too. Right? If you’re single, and prone to loneliness, it’s easy to buy into this mentality that everyone is gloriously in love, and you’re the only exception on Earth. The stores suddenly fill with red and pink hearts, and it reminds you that you don’t have that love in your life. Try reframing the experience by thinking about it differently. Saying to yourself “I’m in a love transition in my life right now” may help stave off the incessant voices (e.g., culture, friends and family) that remind you of what you want in your life and don’t immediately have. Don’t buy into the hype. Your time will come.

Next, don’t cast such a wide net. There are plenty of potential partners that you don’t want to date out there. Get selective about who you want to go out with, without being ridiculously close-minded. Be choosy, because you’re worth it. Get in touch with that part of you that is selective, because not everyone you meet will be right for you. Get in touch with the attributes that you want in your date, and you will narrow the field down quite a bit. A wide field of prospective dates, especially on Valentine’s Day, has the potential to feel overwhelming, and can contribute to a sense of hopelessness and loneliness about not having a partner.

Having an active personal life is very important. Try to see “finding the one” as a side project, or as something that is equally weighted with other things going on in your life. Make yourself as fun and interesting as you can, and a potential mate will be very attracted to your independence and confidence. Use the time to brush up on yourself, your hobbies and the things that make you a unique person to know and hang out with. If you prioritize yourself, and get involved in activities and interests that are close to your heart, others will more likely gravitate toward you. You’ll be a person who knows himself and knows what he wants. Women love confident men, and what better way to develop confidence than investing in yourself?

Jason Fierstein, M.A., LPC, is a Phoenix counselor for men and couples. Call 602-309-0568 to set up an appointment, or visit phoenixmenscounseling.com for more information.