(From Jewish News of Phoenix, Dec. 12, 2008, Vol, 61, No, 11)

Let’s pick up where we left off: You’ve done all the steps from October’s Part 1 article (”What single guys need to do, but aren’t yet,” Jewish News, Oct. 10), and, like a good soldier, are ready to report back for duty. You’ve created the ideal profile of your fictional woman. Your romantic networking presence has been expanded, and you’ve (hopefully) walked the plank and approached a potential date (or two or three) and gotten a phone number. Kudos!

You’ve got “The Date.” So now what?

First, the use of creativity in planning the date is important. Break the monotony of the traditional dinner-movie combo, and you’ll become most memorable. I wouldn’t suggest planning a Brazilian Carnival on Date 1, as that might frighten her, but picking a unique restaurant should work well. For example, when Leanne and I started dating, I chose Pepin in Old Town Scottsdale. They have flamenco shows you both can enjoy with your sangrias and paella. It’s different and sexy. Mix it up a bit, and she’ll be flattered. Women universally like to be taken on an adventure, and you can achieve this in the comfort of your very own city. Keep it creative yet simple for Date 1.

Next, intuition has to be applied to the date. Men like us have to hone this powerful (and highly underutilized) dating tool. In my former life as a professional dater, I could tell you that the best therapy skills I learned came from dating. Picking up the signs, reading body language, whatever you want to call it - this is information that she is making you privy to. Use your gut to know when you should say something you’ve been waiting to share with her, or when to refrain. Intuitively hone in and discern when she wants more of something, or a little bit less of something. It’s a subtle dance that plays out smoothly if done right.

Expressing genuine interest in her is a top priority. Please don’t get lost in talking about yourself and your wonderfulness. She’ll get it if she’s interested. First, she needs to know you are into her as a person and invested in what she’s saying. Get excited about learning about her and what makes her tick. Share related stories about your experiences that illustrate you as an interesting being, while joining with her. Risk it and tell her about the time where that embarrassing something happened in the fourth grade - she’ll admire your humor, wit, vulnerability and self-confidence. Be an interesting storyteller (again, the adventure idea), and you’ll be good to go.

Alert: Here’s what not to talk about, or the deal breakers: your ex, inappropriate and lavish sexual innuendo, how bad the waitstaff is (or worse, treating them poorly), video games, how much the date you’re on is costing, or rambling monologues on obscure topics. Try to clear yourself of negativity way before the date happens, or that’s what you’ll attract for yourself. Women will sniff out repressed anger and hostility as sure as you are reading this article.

When the match between you and her works, then everything I’ve just described above will go well. If the match doesn’t work, then everything you have just read, bluntly, will probably not work. If there are sparks, then the above steps will work effortlessly and magically. If not, do them anyway, because if it doesn’t work now, it will work in the future. It’s good learning experience. Don’t give up hope, don’t resort to bashing women, and stop swimming in self-pity. The best date will unfold naturally and in its own time.

Jason Fierstein, M.A., LPC, is a counselor for Jewish men. He practices in Phoenix, working with men who want to make their wives and girlfriends happier, and simply be happier themselves, as well as those about to find love. Call 602-309-0568, or visitphoenixmenscounseling.com.