Counseling for Nice Guys. Do you worry you might be too much of a “nice guy”?
You know, the kind of guy too busy pleasing everyone else, and trying to find happiness by spending too much time trying to get others to like them.
At Phoenix Men’s Counseling, I offer psychotherapy for guys that are too nice for their own good. As a psychotherapist and counselor, I’ve helped many men overcome their “nice guy” persona and have happier and healthier relationships as a result.
“Nice guys” are people pleasers that have trouble saying “no” to other people, especially to women they’re interested in.
Most people love a “nice guy.”
At least until they get what they want ...
A nice guy is the “guy-who’ll-give-you-the-shirt-off-his-back,” kind of guy. Nice guys work harder for others than for themselves, to their own detriment, and stuff their own needs or push them aside to meet others’ needs.
Men who are nice guys fall into trying to rescue the women they date or marry, so as to feel important and wanted by them.
They often support women too much financially, bend over backwards for them, put themselves in situations that they don’t really want to be in, and generally work much harder than their mate in relationship.
Usually, nice guys end up feeling frustrated, angry or resentful as people take advantage of them.
Does the above sound familiar to you?
People-pleasers often end up in relationships that aren’t good for them. They become satellites “orbiting” cold, withdrawn or unavailable women, and end up getting used because they can’t set healthy boundaries and say “no.”
Signs That You May Benefit from “Nice Guy” Counseling:
If you’re a man who can relate to any of the following, as a counselor, I may be able to help:
- Suffer from rejection from women, and you don’t know why
- Bites your tongue and can’t say “no”, especially to women you like
- Conflict avoidant, and usually duck out of it at all costs to “keep the peace”
- Say ‘yes’ when you really feel like saying ‘no’ and obligates yourself too often
- Pushes aside your needs to meet the needs of others
- Dependent on others for your self-esteem and self-worth
- Plagued by guilt
- Feel hurt often because you are overly sensitive to others’ feelings and their criticisms
- Fear rejection by women, and this often turns out to be what happens
- Stuff your angry and upset feelings at people and situations; blows up later on, or gets sarcastic
- Put on a happy face, even when you’re pissed
- Lack assertiveness and confidence, in relationships and work
- Attracts people that take advantage of him, from friends to romantic partners
Some nice guys believe that they’re unlovable at their core, and end up attracting women who communicate that “unlovability” back to them.
In reality, it’s not the case that you are unlovable.
You may just need to be needed by others, usually by women. This results in getting caught in an unhealthy relationship pattern - sometimes getting into one people-pleasing relationship with women after the other.
This is the “knight in shining armor” syndrome.
Nice guys want to be recognized as the special guys that saved their maiden from distress. What happens, in reality, is that these women aren’t often truly available, and nice guys have wasted valuable time, money, energy, confidence and happiness in the pursuit of trying.
Benefits to Nice Guy Counseling
- Develop confidence, and improve your self-esteem. Stop trying to get it from others by pleasing them
- Confront people with more ease and assurance, and stand up for yourself
- End the guilt!
- Get the validation from yourself that you finally deserve
- Stop feeling exhausted from giving without getting back
- End your passive-aggressive ways, and deal with your hidden anger better
- Make decisions more quickly
- Stop worrying about upsetting others and being afraid of their rejection
- Start asserting yourself, feel more confident in saying “no” to others without letting them down
- Trust your inner voice, trust your own opinions and quiet your self-critic
- Deal with anxiety and depression as a result of people pleasing
Wouldn’t it Nice to be “Likeable” and Still Get Your Needs Met?
I know how to help nice guys, because I’m a recovering one myself.
Believe me, I’ve been there. I understand how it is to have pushed my own needs aside, and succumb to the pressures of others’ needs, to try to be loved by everybody.
I can tell you this: being a nice guy doesn’t work.
I don’t want this to keep happening for you, and I’d like to become your psychotherapist so I can help.
I love the process of seeing nice guys make the changes in their lives, and to stop feeling like they have to please others first to get their needs met.