It shouldn’t be that hard for you to understand: you should know exactly what she wants, when she wants it from you, even when she doesn’t come out and tell you about it. Understand? I thought not.

Reading her mind, or at least attempting to and failing miserably, is something that men have a hard time mastering, and rightly so. Men and women do communicate very differently, and, many times, couples I work with (and, yes, yours truly) fail to communicate based on assumptions rooted in the age-old practice of female mind-reading. 
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My mentor and I were talking about the major themes that men struggle with, and I wanted to share with you some of them. They are not ranked in any particular order.

1. Anger

2. Helplessness

3. Control issues

4. Need for validation, love and praise

5. Emotionality and its expression

Kat (my mentor) and I agreed that control and power underlie so many issues for men. We traced back many issues that men deal with to those issues above, but, more specifically, to issues related to control, power and the lack/loss of those forces. Relationship issues can manifest a plethora of issues that seem to come back to control. So, in your own experience, do you deal with issues of control? If you did, would you admit it, if you even know that you’re dealing with them? Has she told you that you are controlling, and it simply did not register for you? I’d like to hear what you think about that.

Leave a comment about your personal experiences with the issue of control within your relationship.

For the guys, I want to help communicate for you those things that are creating fighting and problems in your relationship. For the girls, I want to help you understand your guy, and what he is needing, as to give you an insider’s edge. Here goes.

1. Wants to be loved: You’re not too different from her, I know. This idea doesn’t run rampant in our culture, which says that we need sex, beer and football, which is crazy. I know that you need to know that you are loved, special and important to her, and that she communicates this to you.

2. To be admired: I know you want her to think highly of you. Remember why you tried out for your high school baseball team in the first place? Yes, it was to impress the girls. As adults, we still have that same need to impress our women. We want to know that she is admiring and swooning at us and our achievements and accomplishments, whether that’s being a good dad, employee or husband. So important.

3. Sex with you: Ladies, yes, he does want to have sex with you, and why should this even be on the list. A no-brainer. But, he also needs intimacy and affection from you, in the same way that you do, too. Guys are emotional beings, and don’t let any article form MSN or the like tell you that that is not the case.

4. Validation: A little different from admiration, validation is needed by guys to know that they are doing right by you. That’s it. I think that guys fear angering their partners, so a little verbal validation will help keep your relationship on track and show him when he’s doing a good job. Plus, it’s a great behavioral modification tool, so he’ll know when he does good and when he doesn’t do so good.

So, these are some things that guys do want, whether or not they are said. We’re not just limited to strictly what the media has to say about us. Believe it or not, we’re quite dynamic and emotional beings. And, no, this conversation doesn’t go past this blog post. I promise.

Check out this related post on why men cheat:

http://phoenixmenscounseling.com/blog/2008/09/30/why-men-cheat/

Jason