Anger has so many negative mental health implications, not to mention societal ones like domestic violence, road rage, job termination and the like. Anger has gotten a bad rap, especially with men. Men are afraid of their anger, and they often tell me that they’re “not an angry person.” Identifying ourselves as angry people – instead of people who get angry – is certainly a difference.

We’ll take a quick look at 7 simple anger management techniques to help you out when your anger feels out of control to you. Practice these with regularity, and you’ll be able to quiet down the anger that might otherwise lead to into some otherwise sticky situations.

1. Walk away from a situation that inspires your anger. It may be helpful to communicate to a person that is inspiring your anger (e.g. your wife or girlfriend) that you need a few minutes away from the situation. But, make sure and come back to the problem to resolve it diplomatically: too often, men walk away from conflict and fail to go back to resolve it.

2. Reset with your breath. You know, that active life force right under your nose that you overlook during the day. Focus on your breath for ten deep breaths, or two minutes, whichever comes first. You can anchor yourself and reset in the present moment with attention to conscious breathing.

3. Say “I’m angry.” Say it to yourself, or say it to someone else.

4. Ask yourself: “What would be the implications to me in this moment if I acted on this anger?” Even if I want to rage out or thrown or hit something or someone, what would that get me? How would that work for me? Think about how a destructive impulse leads to the behavior, and think about the consequences for yourself, or someone else you care about, like a child or employer you are interacting with.

5. The Lifesaver Technique: I learned this last week from the anger expert W. Doyle Gentry, Ph.D, in a training I took. He says that the next time you find yourself angry, suck on a lifesaver until it’s all gone before you respond in anger. You buy some time to respond, as well as take advantage of the sucking reflex to achieve a state of calm. You’re also consuming something sweet, which the brain likes as something pleasurable.

6. Don’t criticize, judge, manipulate or say that someone “always” or “never” does something. Refer back to tip #3 to help yourself.

7. Stay with the felt sense of anger as it arises in your body. Usually we get angry with our heads, but if you can pull back and attend to the anger rising in your body – sometimes in your heart or stomach region – you’re disconnecting from the reactive anger response and training yourself to look at other, less obvious sources of anger.

Use these tips frequently for best results, and you’ll be a anger management pro in no time. Make a conscious effort to turn around your relationship with anger, and you’ll see your other relationships start to change for the better.

Here’s some ideas about what to do if your girl explodes in a seething rage on you.

1. Don’t leave the scene. Although guys have the tendency to freak out, or leave, or both, I would advise you against this decision. Stay, and let her have her anger. Don’t take it personally so quick, because you’ll react in a way that you’re probably not conscious of. Hang in there.

2. If you’re having a reaction, such as feeling scared of her anger, or feeling angry yourself, say that to her. It will flush it out of you, and it will allow her to recognize it in herself. It may open up the conversation at the critical point where most conversation will go south. You can change the course of it yourself, and not have to succumb to sleeping on the couch this week.

3. Hang in there and listen. Actively listen, and see what is going on with her. It may not be anger. It may be a host of other things, such as not feeling seen, heard, validated, loved, etc. Women are mysterious creatures, and it is very possible that something else is going on with her, that may or may not be related to what you did. Again, remember – it is her anger, and the less you fall into it and react to it, the more perspective you will have on the conflict to help yourself and slice the amount of time battling in half.

4. Don’t apologize just to apologize – then you look like a chump. If you’re truly sorry, wait a little bit of time until the conversation progresses, and then take ownership for what you brought to the conflict. But, just to apologize for its own sake, and too early, will make you look insincere, and might make her more mad.

5. Take a breather if you need to from each other, but come back and finish out the conflict in, say, ten minutes or so. Don’t let it go, and neglect it – it will just fester if it stays unattended to.

Oh, and check this post out. It relates to this topic, about better communication tips form me to you:

http://phoenixmenscounseling.com/blog/2008/09/07/say-what-you-mean-and-mean-what-you-say/