People often talk about their moment of clarity when they shift into a higher awareness about how to tackle the problem. Some call it their “aha” moment. Some are less certain about what changes have come about but know something is different in the way that they approach a problem.

This process of illumination is different for all, and as varied as there are people experiencing change. It’s a very personal and subjective experience, but transforms both inner and outer environments in a profound way.

How do you jump from “tree-to-forest” perspective in your own life? Concerning the important changes that you have made in your own life and relationships, what has the illumination process consisted of for you? How have you made the changes in your life that have brought you improved awareness and success?

We know when we have achieved the forest perspective when things in our life (subtle or not) begin to take effect. Our loved ones respond to us differently. Maybe we feel less stressed. We can experience moment to moment happiness for once without mentally living in the future. Or maybe we can learn to stop being so hard on ourselves and develop a little more patience and gentleness.

For a lot of men, the fear of stirring the pot keeps them stuck in both fantasy and anger, two places that get a guy nowhere right quick.

“Nice guys” don’t want to piss anyone off, especially their women and their bosses. They stay “nice” and stuff their true desires and needs, which the mind then uses as fuel to create all sorts of wonderful scenarios that make expressing the initial need or resulting anger much harder.

Think of that which has gone unfulfilled because of your fear of anger. Think of the situations that you have shied away from or bowed out of because you were afraid of engaging in conflict with someone else. You didn’t want to create the conflict, because you risk being criticized, rejected, unloved or just generally left out in the cold. This is not good.

Is it possible to express your needs in a healthy way, that wouldn’t set you up for the potential conflict situation you think is inevitably coming? You bet there is.

Speaking from your needs and, god forbid, feelings, does actually attract people you’d otherwise consider to be non-believers (and potential conflict sources). Not going into shaming, blaming, criticizing, manipulating, cajoling, nudging, superiorizing, and in any other way, shape or form, doing anything towards the other person. Staying in your own experience, and speaking from that place of “centeredness” is much more rewarding that the joyful explosions you’re bound to create when you do conflict like you are normally used to.