I was having a conversation with my business coach, Marco, and he was talking about this idea, which led me to seek out the article on (gasp!) Oprah.com. It’s interesting, and looks at the reasons behind why men cheat. It’s usually not about the cheating per se, but about a vacancy or an unmet need from within the relationship already. Do you find yourself fantasizing about cheating, or about other women in general? Would you suspect that there is something lacking in your relationship as it is?

See the article here:

http://www.oprah.com/slideshow/relationships/couples/20080827_tows_cheating

I’ve been working with this idea a lot in my sessions, about how men feel unfulfilled or not totally “in” the relationship, and then, on top of that, don’t have or haven’t learned the tools to get what they want or what’s lacking. Sometimes, infidelity or even “checking out” of the relationship has already happened, and then counseling becomes more like a clean up job.

If you suspect that there are some things in your relationship that you are not getting from your girl – sex, love, affection, validation, support, fun, intimacy, communication – maybe these are things that begin to create the problems that lead you to avoid, withdraw, or generally “check out” of your relationship. She probably knows that you’re doing this, and may or may not be saying it in words. Get some help now, before it’s too late for your relationship.