Our time is crunched, and we only have so many hours in the day. Sometimes, even that’s no enough. Unless we’re super-organized, lack of time management can overwhelm us and suffocate us. It adds unneeded pressure to an already pressured lifestyle. Guys have many different roles to play: employee, husband, boyfriend, son, and friend. We’re constantly challenged to successfully meet the demands of those roles, and then some. Sometimes, due to poor time management skills, we can barely give more than the minimum to any relationship.

Stress is a byproduct of poor time management, and so is poor sleep. When we’re overloaded, and have too much to do, we constantly worry and ruminate on those things we still need to do. Our sleep gets affected, and the vicious cycle begins. We’re only giving a fraction of ourselves to others and commitments when we’re not fully rested, and when we’re spread too thin.

For you Valley guys, seeking out Phoenix therapy to help deal with the underlying causes of poor time management is going to the root of the problem. Even iPhones and Droids don’t help with everything; there’s still a human component to time management problems behind the device.

Staying organized and identifying and prioritizing those things in our lives that need more of our attention are the first two things you can do to reduce time management problems. Keeping a to-do list is good, but not if you’re not going to use it or if it’s going to become a hindrance for you. It’s important to find a system that will work well for you, so that you know what dates and appointments to expect before hand. Remember, as goes in health: proactivity is better than reactivity. Time management stress only appears as a reactive symptom, when you’re not doing anything to help yourself.

It’s easy to see what a bad relationship looks like. You’re probably surrounded with plenty of anti-models everyday. But what about those really functional relationships that stick in your mind?

We all have severely idealized versions of what happy and healthy relationships and marriages look like. Sometimes, if we look closely, some people are more attracted to those fantasy relationships in their minds than they are to their actual partners. During our formative years, we are socialized in many ways (through schooling, religious institutions, friends, media) to come up with our private version of a good and healthy relationship. No one grows up thinking their marriage will grow cold and distant over time (at least I haven’t heard that in therapy).

But, what does make for a health relationship? What are the marks of a truly healthy relationship? What am I missing? I’m interested to hear your comments, and your perspectives on your version of a healthy relationship.

Here’s 15 of the most important (not necessarily in order of importance):

• Self-awareness
• Empathy
• Communication, and ability to have conflict within a safe “container”
• Love and fulfilling sex life
• Fun and laughter
• Respect of your partner
• Trust in your partner
• Shared and common interests
• Similar ideas about how to construct
• Shared power
• Understanding about money and how it’s managed in the relationship
• Supportive and nurturing; validating for both people
• Mutual willingness to work together on relationship/marriage problems
• Similar “worldviews”, or ways to create shared experiences together
• Good handoff of time together, and time apart (some couples need more, others less)

Creating a healthy relationship takes a lot of willingness, hard work and mutual love and respect, and each relationship could be optimized in its own way. There are myriad ways to relationship success, and many of the roads to relationship health are unique to each relationship, as is the uniqueness of each person. Finding what works – and what doesn’t – for your own relationship is part of the journey of awareness and growth for yourself, your partner, and your relationship.

I spoke today at Paradise Valley Community College about the effects of culture on men, and, specifically, how as men, we are driven my the messages that culture brands into us. 

Being a “real” man in our culture means to “pick yourself up by your bootstraps” and take care of things on your own. You “shouldn’t need to seek out help,” even when you’re depressed.

Could you see how this could create more suffering? By not asking for help, men will spiral deeper into the problems that they should be asking for help for.

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