Feeling like you’re stuck in a rut these days? Feel down and depleted and like a flat tire, and not your usual self? Here’s some ideas to lift you out of the mud and spinning your wheels on ground again.

There’s a lot of reasons for being stuck. First, it is possible that you aren’t enjoying something major in your life, whether that’s your relationship or your work? Do you hate waking up in the morning because you don’t want to face that certain someone or something? I know when I was employed, and not working for myself, I dreaded going to work because I knw I wasn’t living my passion, what I was meant to do, which was to have a counseling practice for men and couples.

Second, it’s possible that you are experiencing depression, or at least the blues. Sometimes, depression is biochemical in nature, but just as often it’s a reaction to a situation or an environment that we think we have no power over, yet feel helpless to change it. We resort to depressing about it because it’s easier in some senses than to take action, or even know how to take action. Now, now, I’m not saying that people always choose depression, but I want you to consider that it’s one of several contributing factors to depression. Biochemical or nutritional imbalances can be as much to blame, as well as other lifestyle factors.

Third, do you know what you really want? Are you living your life aligned with your values – what you blieve in and the way you really see your life being lived (without all those messy mental constraints you put up). If your self-critic wasn’t saying “no, no, no” to everything, what would your life look like? Is being in a rut an expression of giving into that “no, no, no” and not enough “yes, yes, yes”? I doubt you’d be stuck in a rut if you were living your life saying “yes, yes, yes.”

Sometimes situations keep us in a rut, but, as Victor Frankl (well, and the Buddhists) say, it’s our perception of events that we have control over, not the actual events. So, how can you make lemons out of lemonade if life keeps you in a holding pattern right now?

If we listen closely to our inner voice, our true nature, we usually come up with a lot of good things. We know because we listen inside, not outside. It’s hard to be in a rut when we listen to that inner knowing, which almost always knows the answer. Meditate on it, and see what comes up.

I hope this helps you spin right out of the mud onto the road that awaits you.

It’s wedding season, and a lot of guys are getting ready to move down the aisle. They’ll either walk, or they’ll slink, or, quite possibly, they may kick and scream and need to be pulled down it. Does one of these styles describe you? Or, a better question might be, would your better-half-to-be describe you in one of these ways?

Wedding jitters are quite normal. They reflect a certain anxiety on a number of different levels. First, we come to the acceptance that this is the woman that we will spend our lives with: living with, having sex with, sharing the rest of the moments of our human existence with. Wow. It’s a powerful experience either way. It’s totally normal to feel scared, and worry that you’ll replicate your parents’ marriage, for better or for worse.

Wedding terror is a whole other thing. It’s different from normal jitters. Wedding terror is paralyzing in a way that prevents forward growth toward getting married. Wedding terror is when men shrink behind fear and freeze. Forward momentum slows down to a standstill. The bride-to-be is often confused, angry and lashes out over and over again at her guy, who continues to backtrack and avoid the conflict.

Some couples I know operate under this m.o. One partner is hell bent on marrying, and the other (many times the guy, but not always) shrinks behind the fear. Their whole relationship survives on the “I Do” proposition, and lives in the future more than it does in the present.

There are real fears associated with wedding terror – fear that the marriage will be as distasterous as his parents’ was, fear that he’ll make a poor partner and that he’ll let her down, fear of growing bored in 20 years, fear that, and this is a big one, he’ll lose his independence and his bachelorness.

It’s hard to stay in the “fear place” and communicate what is hard to communicate. For guys, it’s not easy to speak from their fear, and thus we end up shrinking behind all of the above examples. Sometimes, the work is deeper, and requires counseling to identify and gain awareness about old tapes, messages and faulty beliefs we have about marriage and our role in it. Sometimes, we are programmed with these messages, and they run us so unconsciously that’s it’s really hard even knowing that they’re there.

It shouldn’t be that hard for you to understand: you should know exactly what she wants, when she wants it from you, even when she doesn’t come out and tell you about it. Understand? I thought not.

Reading her mind, or at least attempting to and failing miserably, is something that men have a hard time mastering, and rightly so. Men and women do communicate very differently, and, many times, couples I work with (and, yes, yours truly) fail to communicate based on assumptions rooted in the age-old practice of female mind-reading. 
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The virtual champagne bottle christening of my new blog! I’m really excited. Bryan Hughes of Zigbot Media did an outstanding job on this, and this is my formal plug for him. He is truly a pro.

This blog is dedicated to all things counseling. Its focus it to provide a forum for discussion, education and support for men dealing with issues ranging from work to relationships to mental well being.

As a counselor for men in Phoenix, AZ, my work and my vision is to create support for men in many different areas, whether that be in counseling or online. My goal is to create a community of men who share the same ideas about how to live a happy and balanced life for themselves.

So, take a minute to say ‘hi’, post a couple a words of wisdom, or click on my website to find out more about me and my practice.