As I do at the end of every year (and the beginning of every new year), I think about why I do this work in the first place. I ask myself, “How can I best serve the men in my community?” or “What is it that I think men need most in my community?” 

Counseling for men developed this past year after I did some soul searching, and figured out that to sustain a practice and myself over the long term in counseling, I needed to work with men because I enjoyed it so much. I found that a lot of the issues that I have worked through personally come up with men all the time. I wanted to dedicate my practice to working with guys who are struggling the same way I did in my past, and help them to find their voice and change their lives, whether it be to find a relationship that is good for them, to reduce stress in their lives, to find meaningful work, to access their emotions better or to have deeper and more intimate relationships with their partners, wives or girlfriends.

In some ways, I see that there are a lot of expectations on men to succeed in parts of their lives that they have not been able to be successful with, i.e. emotional intelligence and intimacy. I think that, compared to 50 years ago, the expectations of a mate have changed, and men are expected to do so much more. Just pick up any womens’ magazine and see what they are saying. Culture states that men are expected to be both the breadwinner and the heart opener. It’s hard to do both.
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I read an article that says most people end up breaking their New Year’s resolutions by February. I could be true, but I find that depressing. I’d like to think that people, especially the men that I work with, are able and ready for real changes to better their lives and their relationships. Are you up for the challenge? Leanne and I sat down to create our 2009 goals yesterday, and they were quite an exercise in detail-orientation.

What goals do you have for the new year? Do you find that they work out best for you when you’ve written them down or typed them out? Do you need a partner to help you develop your goals? And, most importantly, how will be hold yourself accountable to accomplish them week after week? 

Here’s some tips about goal setting:

1. Practice visualizing exactly how you will be in 12 months. What will that picture look like? Will you be in that new job? What will it look like? What will your new relationship look like? Will she have brown or blonde hair? It’s details like that that help the goal form itself, and get you to it more quickly.

2. Practice creating simple, attainable and yet challenging goals. Is the goal attainable enough yet just out of arm’s reach? For example, paying off a credit card with a $5,000 balance may be a goal that is attainable, but will take some fortitude and commitment to it over some time.

3. Create a system to help yourself track the goals each and every week. Will you use a day planner, your iPhone or the help of a friend? Some of my friends created goal groups, where they meet every so often and discuss how their goals are coming, and hold each other accountable. There is something to be said for having someone hold us accountable. I know my sense of commitment kicks in, and I would hate to disappointment myself if I didn’t reach my goals, especially if I told someone else out loud that I was going to be doing them.

These are some ideas to help you in the design, creation and implementation of you annual goals. I hope this helps you to create the kind of new year that you want.

- Jason