It’s certainly to stereotype men to say that they’re afraid of counseling, self-help, or any other growth-promoting task. In an age of Dr. Phil, Oprah, Eckhart Tolle, and others, the psycho-spiritual consciousness has been raised, and so have the stakes. More is expected of men, and men may simply not be ready to get the help that culture, and their partners, expect them to get.

Historically, this pressure to self-actualize has not been apparent: traditional roles of men were more clearly laid out. Men fulfilled the breadwinner role, and knew what to expect of themselves in marriage. There was no need for emotional disclosure, or “connection” with their wives. Men simply didn’t do it, and women didn’t expect it of them. Depression, although still a phenomenon decades early, hadn’t been given the same legitimacy as it has been in recent years, thanks to Big Pharma and antidepressant medications. The cultural pressure, and subsequent pressure on men by their spouses and loved ones, is much greater now, and many men aren’t well equipped to deal with the pressure, or their own problems in general.

David Wexler, Ph.D, author of “Men in Therapy”, identifies several factors that inhibit men from taking action and getting the counseling help that they need (also Noyes, 2007).

1. Men can often go several years contemplating making a change, so the decision to finally get to therapy is a truly difficult one.
2. For a lot of guys, they aren’t educated about what therapy truly is. Often times, men get their ideas about therapy from the media, or from people they trust, but still lack understanding about how counseling really goes. A lot of men have confusion about the strange process of counseling, and what actually happens in it. It’s vague, and some men need better definition, and a better sense of knowing what they’re getting into.
3. Anxiety is a factor in not going. Wexler mentions that it takes men a large amount of emotional energy for them to actually get in the door for an initial session.
4. Even though some men (Noyes study, 2007) reported positive experiences in the therapy room, they still indicated that they would rather be able to take care of their own problems and not seek counseling again.
5. Being stigmatized is a real fear for guys. They don’t want to be thought of or labeled “crazy”, “problematic”, “dependent” or “unsuccessful”. These are real threats to some men’s identities.
6. There’s also the fear of being changed against his will by the counselor or therapy experience. They “worry that some fundamental aspect of themselves will be stripped away” (Wexler, 2009).
7. The fear of not being understood by the counselor or therapist, especially by being labeled clinically or just not truly empathized with.

There are plenty of barriers to counseling, but sometimes the weight of unattended issues and problems is just too great to bear. Phoenix Men’s Counseling understands these things, and wants to help you with the things that are burdening you. It takes a lot of investment to get help: admitting that there’s a problem, asking for help, summoning the resources to come into counseling. It takes a lot to get here. Men aren’t used to doing this, and sometimes, we simply don’t have the tools that we need for functioning the best that we can, in our lives, relationship, work settings, or as being the best parents we can be.

If you’re looking for Phoenix, Tempe, or Scottsdale therapists, and you’re a guy, give us a call. We’d like to help. Or feel free to book an online consultation through our website, using the big green button at the top of the page. We look forward to serving you.

With the recession still in tow, there’s a plain reality to not having enough money. It seems like everyone’s still suffering in one way or another – or knows someone who’s hurting financially. Not having enough money to pay your bills is a stark reality, but we’re looking at something deeper today: the psychology of not having enough money.

Feeling deprived, we sometimes slide into a state of feeling like we’re constantly not having enough money.

Our money behaviors don’t always match what we value about money in general. The way we spend money doesn’t always synch up with our belief about saving, not not spending. When we get to feeling deprived about not having enough, there’s a gap between what we are feeling, and what we’re doing in the world. For example, when times are tight, it’s difficult to differentiate between “needs” and “wants”; often times, we have a very skewed reality of the things that we truly need. Modern lifestyles dictate that we “need” much more than we really do.

Almost certainly luxuries, we tend to integrate certain lifestyle choices into the “need” category, even though they really aren’t: expensive data plans for our iPhones, weekly movies, Starbucks lattes, and a host of other things that we’ve slowly assimilated into our lifestyles. These “little luxuries” are certainly great to have and consume, but they add up, and they distort our realities when we start to embrace negative thinking and feeling about not having enough money in our lives.

If we can learn to slim the gap between what we spend, and what we truly value, we can learn to save without consciously trying to create a budget for ourselves, as budgets don’t always work for people. We can learn to spend more in alignment with what we truly value in our lives, such as good health, family, valuable experiences, as well as cover the basics for food, shelter and clothing. We can take the “edge” off of the psychology of not having enough money, simply by maximizing the experiences we do choose to spend money on by aligning our spending with our values, or the things that really do matter to us.

For a lot of guys, relationships are tough work. They require a lot of time, energy, attention and patience. Plenty of guys struggle in their relationships, whether at home, work or in their personal lives. On the whole, men have a hard time communicating what they want, expressing frustration. They fumble trying to understand their wives, girlfriends, dates, and fiancees. In dealing with themselves, a lot of guys don’t know about what’s happening with their own selves. What’s a guy to do?

Phoenix Men’s Counseling presents our Men + Relationships Group, dedicated to helping guys like you have happier, more successful relationships and lives. Our men’s group counseling has a lot to offer you.

Why Join?

• Develop tools and skills to better your life, work and relationships
• Improve the relationship with yourself, and increase positive self-esteem
• Work on your relationship between sex and connection with women
• Deal more effectively with the difficult people in your life
• Get lots of feedback and support from other guys who’ve been there, too
• Feel like you’re winning in your intimate relationships again
• Safe, unbiased, third party perspective

What to Expect:

• 15 weeks long | $60 per group
• Located at the Chinese Cultural Center in Phoenix, off of the 202
• Convenient afterwork hours for your busy schedule
• Not a religious or recovery group
• Monday evenings 7-9 PM
• Starts September 6th, 2010 – sign up now!

Contact us today to reserve your spot. We’re keeping it limited to 10 men, so contact us today. Come join other guys just like you for an experience you’ll not forget. Where guys really talk.

(An initial individual intake and screening will be required prior to the group’s start, for an additional fee.)

Our time is crunched, and we only have so many hours in the day. Sometimes, even that’s no enough. Unless we’re super-organized, lack of time management can overwhelm us and suffocate us. It adds unneeded pressure to an already pressured lifestyle. Guys have many different roles to play: employee, husband, boyfriend, son, and friend. We’re constantly challenged to successfully meet the demands of those roles, and then some. Sometimes, due to poor time management skills, we can barely give more than the minimum to any relationship.

Stress is a byproduct of poor time management, and so is poor sleep. When we’re overloaded, and have too much to do, we constantly worry and ruminate on those things we still need to do. Our sleep gets affected, and the vicious cycle begins. We’re only giving a fraction of ourselves to others and commitments when we’re not fully rested, and when we’re spread too thin.

For you Valley guys, seeking out Phoenix therapy to help deal with the underlying causes of poor time management is going to the root of the problem. Even iPhones and Droids don’t help with everything; there’s still a human component to time management problems behind the device.

Staying organized and identifying and prioritizing those things in our lives that need more of our attention are the first two things you can do to reduce time management problems. Keeping a to-do list is good, but not if you’re not going to use it or if it’s going to become a hindrance for you. It’s important to find a system that will work well for you, so that you know what dates and appointments to expect before hand. Remember, as goes in health: proactivity is better than reactivity. Time management stress only appears as a reactive symptom, when you’re not doing anything to help yourself.