Phoenix Men’s Counseling – some of the benefits!

- Learn better communication with your wife/ girlfriend
- Feel more appreciated
- Get “in sync” again with her
- Break the “suffer in stoic silence” mode
- Generate energy, fun and laughter
- Lower stress and reduce tension
- Less “thinking too much” about your problems – get out of  your head
- Get help for your depression & start feeling better
- Stop avoiding!
- Be more productive on the job
- Cool your angry feelings
- Get the respect you deserve from others

I specialize in working with men who are struggling in all aspects of their lives: in relationships, in work, with money and with self-image and self-esteem issues. I am a therapist that understands the unique and complicated issues that men might not feel comfortable talking about with a general counselor. I work with guys in Phoenix, Scottsdale, Tempe, Chandler and surrounding areas. Give me a call, or e-mail directly through my website to find out more information about my services.

Looking for a gay-friendly counselor who you can work well with? Are you struggling with your partner and need to feel more at ease about your relationship?

My counseling practice offers same-sex couples and individuals help in dealing with the day-to-day issues, including:

Individual Counseling To:

• Deal with emotions related to coming out issues, including with friends, family and peers
• Feel good about yourself, and develop stronger self-esteem
• Cool anger and tension
• Feel less depressed and anxious
• Work through difficulties related to HIV/AIDS issues
• Combat issues of feeling stigmatized
• Take pride in yourself again

For Same-Sex Partnerships, You Can:

• Create better, stronger and more supportive partnerships
• Stop giving to others to the point of feeling depleted
• Start to really trust again
• Enjoy better sex with your partner
• Learn how to finally identify what you need
• Learn how to communicate to get what you want
• Work through tough premarital or pre-commitment issues
• Bring back the intimacy with your partner
• Identify if your current relationship is healthy (or not) for you

I invite you to visit my website at www.phoenixmenscounseling.com, Or call me directly at 602.309.0568. I’m happy to talk with you about how I can help you deal with your unique problem or concern.

A lot of times, men are pretty hesitant about coming in for counseling. Sometimes they think that there might not be a problem, and other times when they finally get around to coming in for counseling, they are scared that seeing a female therapist will end up making them regret their decision. Some guys think that a female therapist will align with their wife or girlfriend, and make the problem “all about them”.

What I offer is a unique perspective on couples counseling in my private practice. I work with many couples that want a male counselor, especially if that type of scenario would prevent their guy from coming in to see counseling services. I think that wives and girlfriends figure out that there is this window of opportunity, where if their guy finally says “Okay, yes. Let’s go ahead and get counseling,”, then those women have to act quick and strike while the iron is hot. Working with a male therapist, it’s easier for the guys to want to come in, and gives the wives or girlfriends a better chance that their guy will commit to patching up the relationship or marriage.

I’m not saying that this is the only dynamic that happens between couples, but as a counselor for men working in Phoenix, Arizona, I see this happen quite a lot. I think that guys are hesitant to admit that there’s a problem, and sometimes more hesitant to seek out help for that problem. I think guys naturally will feel more comfortable working with guys, especially if they fantasize that they will be the “problem child” in marriage therapy together.

My relationship counseling services offer something different, and many couples that I work with report success through being able to communicate more effectively, lessen the fighting and arguing, work towards common goals within a relationship or marriage, and generally feel happier and have more time to improve on the quality of their relationship.

It’s 7:35 AM, and you’re slamming down a couple cups of coffee and a bagel. You’ll be late for work again, and your wife is back at it, nagging and harassing you. The trash is overflowing from last several nights of dinner, and the dishes are still sitting idle in the sink. She wants them done. You’re exasperated that these things keep causing fight after fight, and end up in defensive mode time and time again. Does it get any better than this?

A lot of people find themselves reacting in response to the problems in their lives, whether it’s in their relationships, work, friendships, personal or self-care. Problems do arise, granted. All of these things — when properly balanced — provide happiness and success, but all too often people slide into “reactive living.”

What happens is that choices beget other choices, and we both lose sight of that snowball effect, and sometimes shun responsibility for doing anything about it to change some of the original choices. We get lazy, or rely on others to lean on or take care of our messes.

When we live reactively, we live in response to our environment and the people within it. We allow other people and situations to dictate our lives, as opposed to assuming responsibility for ourselves. Life becomes a series of ” call and responses.” Something happens in our environment, or with someone we love, and we react sometimes mindlessly to troubleshoot the problem or situation.

We are constantly putting out fires, where we could be using that psychic energy to build well controlled fires that create life, energy and renewed power. We create a lot of unneeded stress, tension, depression, and interpersonal conflict with those closest to us.

Stepping back from our lives and differentiating between reactive living and proactive living is very important in a variety of different ways. When we can admit that there are some parts of our lives, we wise up to the fact that we have lost control and responsibility in some facets of our lives.

There are many examples of this: from becoming a better husband or boyfriend, to paying our bills on time, to proactively taking in our car in for maintenance so it doesn’t fail us, or to going out of our way to develop relationships that had been unattended to for a while. It could even mean coming up with a better organization system, either in our homes or offices, or in our minds.

Learning where the cracks are in the various facets of one’s life is important. Then, understanding how to fix things so you can play a more participatory part in your own life, instead of reacting to problems and situations that are thrown at you, is critical to turning the ship around.

(My article appears in the Jewish News of Greater Phoenix Online (and print) in the September 11, 2009 edition)

Dating success, like success in life, is often a function of our attitude. Carry optimism, hope and openness, and your chances of success are infinitely greater than when you’re dragging around negative, limiting beliefs.

As much as most daters don’t care to admit it, they are unintentionally undermining their own attempts at success with internalized and destructive messages, or IDMs, about their dating lives.

IDMs can come in one of two forms: either as negative self-talk (such as how we talk to ourselves about dating) or as critical or judgmental assumptions and beliefs about the potential mates in our dating field. When we listen to IDMs, we either abruptly stop ourselves short, or stop others short, and destroy opportunities that have not yet been created. We shut down and say “no” before we’ve had an opportunity to say “yes” to others or possible dating opportunities.

To date or to be in a relationship is to risk getting burned, and a lot of daters can’t let go of some of those previous fiery experiences they’ve had. They’ve been hurt, and to help prevent themselves from being hurt again, they generate limiting beliefs about themselves or about their potential dates. In some cases, these messages have been there all along, from childhood, in different ways.

Fear and vulnerability drive many IDMs, and keep us caged inside our own heads. We generate unconscious and irrational stories to keep us from having to deal with the pain, anguish and fear that may come up in another dating situation. Dating has not been kind to us, we say to ourselves, and we’ll go to great lengths to see that we’re not hurt like that again.

One popular IDM I hear a lot is, “Well, there are no good men/women out there in the world anymore. They’re all taken.” I find that one disputable, and it’s a negative message that guides all too many people through dating, unfortunately.

The problem is that those destructive messages get communicated either verbally or nonverbally to people in our lives (including possible mates). Others will feel turned off or generally uninterested in learning more if those messages are communicated to them, intentionally or not. Or we may attract other negative people or toxic dates into our lives. Most of the time, though, we are so unconscious about what we speak verbally and say in our body language to others that we end up turning others off.

Maybe you’ve been rejected by a mate, or have suffered a recent divorce. It’s possible that your last relationship was awful, and you’re still nursing your war wounds. If so, IDMs may be floating around inside your mind and ruining the possibility of a relationship. Change your negative beliefs, and you change the way you relate to your dating life. People are far more attracted to people who are positive and open-minded.

If you’re ready and willing, turn around the IDMs, and you’ll attract a whole new kind of person into your life.

Jason Fierstein, MA, LPC, is a counselor for men and couples and practices in Phoenix. Call 602-309-0568, or visit phoenixmenscounseling.com for more information.

People often talk about their moment of clarity when they shift into a higher awareness about how to tackle the problem. Some call it their “aha” moment. Some are less certain about what changes have come about but know something is different in the way that they approach a problem.

This process of illumination is different for all, and as varied as there are people experiencing change. It’s a very personal and subjective experience, but transforms both inner and outer environments in a profound way.

How do you jump from “tree-to-forest” perspective in your own life? Concerning the important changes that you have made in your own life and relationships, what has the illumination process consisted of for you? How have you made the changes in your life that have brought you improved awareness and success?

We know when we have achieved the forest perspective when things in our life (subtle or not) begin to take effect. Our loved ones respond to us differently. Maybe we feel less stressed. We can experience moment to moment happiness for once without mentally living in the future. Or maybe we can learn to stop being so hard on ourselves and develop a little more patience and gentleness.